Oct 5

Dr Laura Clarke Dr Laura Clarke (Oct 05 2021 9:54AM) : I agree with Ritza. You should add more description about how you felt and what you remember about the scene. At the moment, it sounds very factual. You need more description and imagery so that the reader feels like they're there with you. more

This is a very dramatic story which is great for a personal narrative. You need to break the narrative into paragraphs, and I think you need to spend more time conveying the resolution. What was the significance of this event? How did this event change you?

Oct 4

Miss Ritza Servilus Miss Ritza Servilus (Oct 04 2021 11:01AM) : suggestion: how were you feeling when he enter through that door, what were you thinking. how was he dress and what color they were if you remember ?

Oct 4

Miss Ritza Servilus Miss Ritza Servilus (Oct 04 2021 10:49AM) : suggestion: I would suggest you write out " at" the words instead of writing the abreviation "@'. [Edited]

Oct 4

Miss Ritza Servilus Miss Ritza Servilus (Oct 04 2021 10:52AM) : I would suggest to add more figurative language and imagery. Right now as I read your personal narrative you are telling me what happen not showing me what happen.

Oct 4

Miss Ritza Servilus Miss Ritza Servilus (Oct 04 2021 10:55AM) : I would suggest you to add more emotion like how you feel, what were you thinking in this exact moment.

Oct 4

Miss Ritza Servilus Miss Ritza Servilus (Oct 04 2021 10:57AM) : in the second page, I would suggest to add some coversation or add more imagery

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 10:51AM) : I think you have too many complexed sentences.

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 10:49AM) : you also need to use descriptive language and imagery to make the reader feel like they are there with you.

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 11:00AM) : theme

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 10:48AM) : Also, you need to only give hints in the first paragraph. you can start as "the day I felt like I almost lost my life" then continue with the experience you had.

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 11:01AM) : rising action

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 11:04AM) : turning point

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 11:04AM) : resolution

Oct 4

mister hilmi alammari mister hilmi alammari (Oct 04 2021 10:44AM) : I suggest that you should focus on making different paragraphs because I was unable to figure out which one is which.

Sort by:

Clarke, Dr Laura (1 comment)

Servilus, Miss Ritza (5 comments)

alammari, mister hilmi (8 comments)

Sort by: Last Name First Name Oldest First Newest First Tag

Clarke, Dr Laura (1 comment)

Servilus, Miss Ritza (5 comments)

alammari, mister hilmi (8 comments)

Sort by: