Comments by Samantha Galasso Most recent public comments by Samantha Galasso https://nowcomment.com/users/111553 Describing it this way shows us Noah's perspective seamlessly blending into information he's helping us understand. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560065 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560065 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 14:04:57 -0400 I love the way he makes this so personal but doesn't dive into it or goes off on a tangent - just sort of drops it in, makes you feel his vulnerability, and then moves on. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560058 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560058 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:59:22 -0400 I'd actually nix this first paragraph and start the chapter here. It's a much more compelling beginning. You don't need the first paragraph. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560057 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560057 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:57:10 -0400 This is a really effective ending. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560051 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560051 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:43:32 -0400 To me, the background info above feels a little too chunked and awkward the way it's placed now. I think they should actually start with this line and then meld those details above in here. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560050 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560050 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:42:57 -0400 Look at the section between the first time "Sun'qhela" is used and now. Do you think it was effective/necessary, or did Noah just kind of go off on a tangent that you didn't feel you needed to read? https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560047 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560047 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:40:19 -0400 Something to note: Keeping the audience engaged in your personal story can be achieved by creating these kinds of contrasts and comparisons. You can show just how different you are by pointing out something a lot of people experience and you don't. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560042 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2560042 This is a way of connecting with the audience - keeping the audience in mind by not just telling us what your story is but relating it to how it might be similar or different to mine. Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:37:23 -0400 Describe Noah as a person based on how he conveys his perspective here https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559975 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559975 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 12:23:05 -0400 Unique way of weaving in background info through a "bit" - this sets us up, the imagined dialogue brings it home in a concise, pithy way. https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559972 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559972 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 12:17:48 -0400 This makes the intro section feel "finished" but still compels the reader to read on -- how? What is it about the way this last sentence is structured that both ties together the thoughts & sets you up to continue reading? https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559970 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559970 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 12:18:15 -0400 What's the question Trevor Noah might be looking to explore or answer in the first chapter? How does structuring the book the way that he does -- with these background info bits & the personal story -- help him achieve that exploration? https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559954 https://nowcomment.com/documents/288295?scroll_to=2559954 Sun, 19 Sep 2021 12:18:32 -0400