Comments by Miss Ritza Servilus Most recent public comments by Miss Ritza Servilus https://nowcomment.com/users/111650 suggestion: how were you feeling when he enter through that door, what were you thinking. how was he dress and what color they were if you remember ? https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587131 https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587131 Mon, 04 Oct 2021 23:01:09 +0800 in the second page, I would suggest to add some coversation or add more imagery https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587120 https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587120 Mon, 04 Oct 2021 22:57:26 +0800 I would suggest you to add more emotion like how you feel, what were you thinking in this exact moment. https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587100 https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587100 Mon, 04 Oct 2021 22:55:19 +0800 I would suggest to add more figurative language and imagery. Right now as I read your personal narrative you are telling me what happen not showing me what happen. https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587092 https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587092 Mon, 04 Oct 2021 22:52:32 +0800 suggestion: I would suggest you write out " at" the words instead of writing the abreviation "@'. https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587083 https://nowcomment.com/documents/291155?scroll_to=2587083 Mon, 04 Oct 2021 22:49:55 +0800