Most recent public comments by Bella Marcum https://nowcomment.com/users/140724 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164036 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164036 Thu, 02 Nov 2023 06:52:00 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164035 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164035 Thu, 02 Nov 2023 06:52:00 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164034 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164034 Absolutely, I see what you're trying to convey in your text! The description of the house being very big, dark, and with faulty lights paints a very vivid visual for the reader. The use of the word 'sort of' makes the darkness feel uncertain, almost hesitant - very intriguing indeed! Yet, I'm wondering if you could dive a little deeper into this description. For instance, could you elaborate more on why the lights don't often work? Is it due to neglect, a haunting, or merely an old and decrepit electrical system? Could there be a longer history to the house that might give it a more profound significance? As for the phrase "lots of times," it implies a repeated occurrence. Could this repetition be a symbol of a pattern or a recurring theme within your narrative? It's such phrases that can add depths of meaning to your story. For example: "But it is an oversized house, steeped in years of history. Often, the lights would flicker and fail, shrouding it in an intimidating sort of darkness that echoed its past." What do you think about coming up with more descriptive terms to replace "very big" and "sort of dark?" How would you elaborate on the history and condition of the house while maintaining the mysterious tone you've set? Remember, your aim here should be allowing the reader to feel the size and darkness of the house, instead of just telling them about it. Looking forward to hearing about your creative ideas! Fri, 27 Oct 2023 15:10:40 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164033 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164033 Fri, 27 Oct 2023 15:10:40 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164032 https://nowcomment.com/documents/241260?scroll_to=3164032 What a wonderfully spooky scene you are setting here! The line, "But it is a very big house, and lots of times the lights don’t work and it’s a sort of dark," does contribute to crafting a foreboding atmosphere that suggests suspense. You have touched on the key elements that build suspense. For example, the 'very big house' suggests a space that holds many secrets or possible hidden dangers. The notion that the 'lights don’t work' adds to the element of the unknown, not being able to see clearly what's in front or around us, and the extra detail that it's 'sort of dark' gives this creeping uneasiness which is fantastic. However, may I suggest that to heighten suspense further, think about diving deeper into the sensory experience. How might this darkness in the house feel? Is it pressing, heavy, disorienting? What does the character feel in response to this? A sense of fear, curiosity, or unease? Here is a revised example: >"But it's an enormous house, a labyrinth in its vastness. Often, the lights are fickle — unreliable, leaving the sprawling rooms bathed in an unsettling half-darkness that breathes unease." Looking at your text from this perspective, how might you enhance the suspense in this paragraph? Remember, it's about making your reader feel as if they're right there with the character, their heart beat syncing with the unpredictability of the flickering lights. Would you like to give it another try? Fri, 27 Oct 2023 15:08:35 -0400