Most recent public comments by Teresa Ventura https://nowcomment.com/users/1531 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6815 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6815 I love the way you bring the paper back full circle by describing Jeff now, years after you knew him at a young age. You wrap up the conclusion very well, and your writing is incredible. One suggestion you might consider is adding more comparisons to the Amber Spyglass, like the thesis and your ideas of religion. You could relate them to characters or specific parts of the book. Also perhaps you could begin your essay with a question about your spiritual journey and see if you've answered it by the end of your essay, like what happens when we die, if there is a God, etc. Overall, your writing and willingness to share was amazing Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:08 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6807 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6807 This is an interesting point your friend makes. Maybe you could further explain what you mean by "all men are actually innocent." Is this part of his own thinking, his interpretation of religion, or your thinking? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:08 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6802 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6802 I really love the quote you chose and the way you interpret the meaning. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6799 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6799 What do you mean here? Is God dying here the way you interpreted the death of God in Amber Spyglass? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6797 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6797 Maybe you could explain what in his sermon didn't ring true for you. Did you think it was insincere or just false? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6794 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6794 What is dust for you? Maybe this could relate to your spiritual journey - do you have dust now? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6789 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6789 This is a really interesting theory, and I like how you explain it. Maybe you could consider adding how it relates to The Amber Spyglass and its portrayal of both religion and science. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6783 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6783 Which ideas did you accept, and which ones were too far-fetched? Like Natalie mentioned, maybe you could relate this to Pullman's idea about the world. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6779 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6779 The depictions of your friends are very descriptive, and I can imagine them both in my head. I almost expected Jeff and Shelby to interact. Maybe you could mention how they would react to each other if they met or if they did meet before. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:09 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6775 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3045?scroll_to=6775 I like that you introduce the blog by pointing out how your experience with the book has changed, which relates to the idea of the spiritual journey. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6760 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6760 The end seems a little blunt, especially since the rest of your essay seems so positive and uplifting. Maybe you could consider writing a couple more sentences to conclude your ideas about togetherness, like bringing it back to the concept of the farmers market. My other suggestions would be to consider splitting the fourth and fifth paragraphs into smaller chunks as you see fit since they were a bit big and also to add a little more to your beginning in the farmers market paragraph to introduce what you're going to say in the essay. Overall, really interesting blog! Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6757 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6757 I really like your cataloguing here. It's very detailed and sensory Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6753 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6753 there for to therefore Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6751 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6751 the to that or who Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6750 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6750 The wording of this sentence kind of throws me off, and I don't understand what you're saying. Maybe you could reword it? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6747 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6747 I'm not sure if the 4 is intentional or not Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6745 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6745 its to it's Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6743 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6743 I think you might have to delete the comma Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:10 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6742 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6742 Nicely chosen quote that relates to your topic Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:11 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6740 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6740 I really like the way you started the blog with an anecdote, very descriptive too Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:11 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6738 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3047?scroll_to=6738 Have you thought about any title ideas yet? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:11 -0400