Most recent public comments by Robert Hardy https://nowcomment.com/users/1532 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3039?scroll_to=6906 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3039?scroll_to=6906 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3039?scroll_to=6905 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3039?scroll_to=6905 I will look into switching this, I think you're definitely on to something though Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6904 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6904 This is a good paper, and you offer good analysis of the works that we have read. But I just don't feel like I read YOU in this. You raise some concepts and ideas, these "hierarchical powers", but they just don't seem real to me, and I think that is because I don't truly see how they've affected you. I just don't see enough personal detail to make your ideas real, to make them resonate with me. I think if you took your general ideas and fleshed them out with personal, detailed stories it would be much better, because you have some ideas that provoke discussion and thought but it must be started by you. Let me know if you have any questions. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6901 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6901 Why does the problem not lie in these authorities? In my mind, the previous paragraph says these problems come from the authorities. Maybe it is just my reading of it but it is unclear how you reach this conclusion to me Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6900 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6900 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6898 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3056?scroll_to=6898 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6897 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6897 Seems good, very personal, good use of references. Many ideas pervade this paper, and I often had difficulty following. I think that could be ok but it may also be good to find something that can pull it all together. The question of the destination vs. the journey is a very broad one. You do a good job of relating it to yourself and your life but I just wonder if it may be too big. I think it could work though I know this wasn't super specific so I'll try to come back to this again later. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:05 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6894 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6894 Awkward wording, maybe I end with a thought stemming from Lyra, she says... or To end, let's examine a quote from Lyra, " Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6890 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6890 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6889 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6889 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6888 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6888 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6887 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6887 Great connection and use of the text Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6886 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6886 This sentence could sound/feel better if you didn't use light twice. It could work though Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6885 https://nowcomment.com/documents/3040?scroll_to=6885 This feels disconnected from the rest of the text... do you mean to integrate it into the previous paragraph? Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:14:06 -0400