Most recent public comments by Destiny Hickerson https://nowcomment.com/users/159049 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545243 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545243 Early you said something about the crickets, is it Winter since the Christmas lights are up or were they just left up? I don't know much about crickets but I don't think they are out during winter. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:13:38 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545242 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545242 I think you could explore more into why she was taking a "digital detox," give us a little more of an idea of who she is as a character. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:10:56 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545241 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545241 A little disturbing but I think this was a good description of what a lot of little kids do. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:09:17 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545240 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545240 You did an excellent job of describing the sounds in these few sentences! Very descriptive! Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:04:48 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545239 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545239 The last couple of sentences were a bit confusing “No, that doesn’t sound right,” she muttered in response to her own question. Could bugs be considered endangered? Frogs eat bugs." Makes it seem like she she also said the last sentence out loud. Splitting them up would help. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:03:28 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545238 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545238 Why was she grateful for the huge backyard? Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:02:58 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545235 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545235 "A polluted atmosphere and a destroyed habitat." Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:59:20 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545234 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545234 "growth-condos went up" Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:58:34 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545233 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545233 "However," the sentence works without it. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:57:59 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545232 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545232 Same thing for this paragraph on spacing, if you were to space it out more the thoughts and her dialogue would be paced better than combining it into a full paragraph. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:56:50 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545231 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545231 Over all for this paragraph I would say add more spacing. When she speaks make it it's own little paragraph just so it reads clearer. It's a good intro, just huddled too close together. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:54:53 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545230 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545230 "the sound of the sprinklers ts-ts-ts sounded in the background." You could replace sounded with a different word like echoed. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:53:14 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545229 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545229 reword or comma splice "chilly-in fact she was beginning to sweat." Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:50:50 -0400 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545227 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3545227 Sweet and short, I think you could let this be a stand alone sentence just for impact. Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:48:54 -0400