Comments by Brett Nichols Most recent public comments by Brett Nichols https://nowcomment.com/users/159216 Consider breaking the sentence for flow. The second half is a little run-on. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546753 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546753 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:23:38 -0400 Structure needs a bit of work here. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546752 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546752 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:22:08 -0400 The emotion is there, but the phrase "-think up to boil" is odd. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546751 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546751 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:21:12 -0400 Nice introspection here. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546750 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546750 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:19:11 -0400 Suggestion: “The teacher had continued with the lesson, but she couldn’t remember what it was even about. She’d been fixated on the frog.” https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546749 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546749 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:17:53 -0400 This sentence is vivid, though a bit long. The tone shifts between clinical and conversational (which mostly works), but the comma splice in “just the process though, it never showed...” could be fixed. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546748 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546748 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:15:33 -0400 Agreed. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546747 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546747 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:12:34 -0400 The interior monologue is believable but slightly clunky. “She surmised” is overly formal. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546746 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546746 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:10:57 -0400 The sentence captures discomfort well, but it's a bit long and slightly awkwardly constructed. The phrase “and in fact” slows the rhythm. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546745 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546745 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:10:06 -0400 The casual tone ("not so much") adds character but slightly weakens the emotional weight of the shift. The contrast is clear but could be more vividly expressed. https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546744 https://nowcomment.com/documents/405915?scroll_to=3546744 Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:09:31 -0400