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Mama's struggle and how Maggie got burned

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Dec-03-19 Wording change

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I’m going to rewrite “Everyday use” as a short story, from the point of view and narrative voice of Mama and Maggie perspective what is their struggle and how maggie got burned on her body.I

I

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:42AM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

I’m going to rewrite “Everyday use” as a short story, from the point of view and narrative voice of Mama and Maggie perspective what is their struggle and how maggie got burned on her bodyIntroduction not needed.

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Once upon a day time, a beautiful child was born.All of the family members were waiting for this moment for a very long time. after After waiting for 2 and two=a=half hour hours, they all heard a child crying and finally the delightful moment come true.Mum Mom and other family members were crying with smiley facefaces.They were hugging each other and share sharing happiness.Mum Mom was holding the baby with teary eyeeyes, and thinking what a blissful gift she got had received from God. she was giving her name Zahra Cadence.After that mum was to think thinking about how she will grow up this child without her father because the father has been missing for 8 month science , when her older daughter Zeila born start to go to school. Mum had to do a lot of sacrifices to grow up Zeila and the father never want to help her. The father thinks this is her problem so deal with it. Mama never have her husband beside her as a support.

Once upon a time, a beautiful child was born. All of the family members were waiting for this moment for a very long time. After waiting for two=a=half hours, they all heard a child crying and finally the delightful moment come true. Mom and other family members were crying with smiley faces. They were hugging each other and sharing happiness. Mom was holding the baby with teary eyes, and thinking what a blissful gift she had received from God. she was giving her name Zahra Cadence. After that mum was thinking about how she will grow up this child without her father because the father has been missing for 8 month, when her older daughter Zeila start to go to school. Mum had to do a lot of sacrifices to grow up Zeila and the father never want to help her. The father thinks this is her problem so deal with it. Mama never have her husband beside her as a support.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:43AM) : Suggested Revision more

Once upon a day time, a beautiful child was born.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:44AM) : Suggested Revision more

All of the family members were waiting for this moment for a very long time. after After waiting for 2 two-and=a=half hour hours, they all heard a child crying and finally the delightful moment come true.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:45AM) : Suggested Revision more

Mum Mom and other family members were crying with smiley facefaces.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:45AM) : Suggested Revision more

They were hugging each other and share sharing happiness.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:46AM) : Suggested Revision more

Mum was holding the baby with teary eyeeyes, and thinking what a blissful gift she got had received from God. she was giving her name Zahra Cadence.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:47AM) : Is this Maggie? Why did you change the name to Zeila? You may have a good reason.
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Fatema Rahman Fatema Rahman (Dec 03 2019 9:00AM) : Zeila is Dee
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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:48AM) : Suggested Revision more

After that mum was to think about how she will grow up this child without her father because the father has been missing for 8 month science , when her older daughter Zeila born start starte to go to school.

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One day mum was cooking and Zahra was playing with the toy and Zeila was comb combing her hair and beside that she . She was supposed to watch Zahra. She was supposed to watch Zahra. Mum was step out for a moment to get the water from the water tab pump which is located outside their house.Suddenly, they hard heared a crackling sound and inside the house it was all black smoke.Mum was looking back to the house and horrifyhorrified. She can only see the fire is up to the sky and so dark. She was calling called her daughters and tell to them to come outside immediately.! Right way Zeila came outside. Mum was asking where is Zahra and she said she was unable to see her in the dark smoke. Mum was crying and try to go in but she couldn’t. Inside the house Zahra was crying and don’t know that didn’t knowwhat to do in this situation and . she was scared.After people from the community’s people community came and tried to put out the fire and rescue Zahra. But it was too late.

One day mum was cooking and Zahra was playing with the toy and Zeila was combing her hair. She was supposed to watch Zahra. She was supposed to watch Zahra. Mum was step out for a moment to get the water from the water pump which is located outside their house. Suddenly, they heared a crackling sound and inside the house it was all black smoke. Mum was looking back to the house horrified. She can only see the fire is up to the sky and so dark. She called her daughters to them to come outside immediately! Right way Zeila came outside. Mum was asking where is Zahra and she said she was unable to see her in the dark smoke. Mum was crying and try to go in but she couldn’t. Inside the house Zahra was crying and didn’t knowwhat to do in this situation. she was scared. people from the community came and tried to put out the fire and rescue Zahra. But it was too late.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 9:48AM) : What toy?
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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 9:49AM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

One day mum was cooking and Zahra was playing with the toy and Zeila was comb combing her hair and beside that she . She was supposed to watch Zahra.

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Fatoumata Diallo Fatoumata Diallo (Dec 03 2019 10:38AM) : You mean Maggie?
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Fatema Rahman Fatema Rahman (Dec 03 2019 12:11PM) : Yes Zahra is Maggie and Zeila is Dee.
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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:50AM) : Suggested Revision more

Mum was step out for a moment to get the water from the water tab pump which is located outside their house.

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Suddenly, they hard heard a crackling sound and inside the house it was all black smoke.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 6:51AM) : Suggested Revision more

Mum was looking back to the house and horrify, horrified.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 7:01AM) : Suggested Revision more

She was calling called her daughters and tell to them to come outside immediately.!

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 7:02AM) : Suggested Revision more

Mum was crying and try to go in, but she couldn’t.

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Inside the house Zahra was crying and don’t didn't know that what to do in this situation and . She was scared.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 7:03AM) : Suggested Revision more

After People from the community’s people community came and tried to put out the fire and rescue Zahra.

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Fatoumata Diallo Fatoumata Diallo (Dec 03 2019 7:40AM) : Can you be more specific and give more details?
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Housseynatou Diallo Housseynatou Diallo (Dec 03 2019 7:47AM) : Do you mean that Zahra died or what?
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Fatema Rahman Fatema Rahman (Dec 03 2019 9:19AM) : she was alive but in critical situation
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Zahra life was at risk. Almost half of the body got burned. Her bodywould be filled with scars. This is why she always feel sad about it. Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way. She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the scars people people treat her differently. She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women. However, She knows that it is impossible. This is why she always hides herself. Zahra dreams of becoming an actress one day. Because when she watches TV shows, she loves the actresses and she wants to see herself in this position. She think that if she can be in this position it would be to her a dream come true and she can support her mom and her mom would be proud of herwants to be on TV because she believs if she become famous, then she would have money to support her family.

Zahra life was at risk. Almost half of the body got burned. Her bodywould be filled with scars. This is why she always feel sad about it. Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way. She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the scars people people treat her differently. She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women. However, She knows that it is impossible. This is why she always hides herself. Zahra dreams of becoming an actress one day. Because when she watches TV shows, she loves the actresses and she wants to see herself in this position. She wants to be on TV because she believs if she become famous, then she would have money to support her family.

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DMU Timestamp: November 21, 2019 20:25

Added December 03, 2019 at 2:48pm by Fatema Rahman
Title: Wording change

The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 4 (click to return there).

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Zahra life was in life at risk situation.She's almost Almost half of the body got burned.This stain was staying on her body Her bodywould be filled with scars. This is why she always feel sad about it. Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way. She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the stain scars people make people treat her differentdifferently. She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women. However, She knows that it is impossible. This is why she always hide hides herself.Zahra think if the day wouldn’t come to her life she can be dreams of becoming an actress one day.Because when she watches the TV show shows, she love loves the actress actresses and she wants to see herself in this position.She believe think that if she became a actress can be in this position it would be to her a dream come true and she can financially support her mom and her mom would be proud of her.

Zahra life was at risk. Almost half of the body got burned. Her bodywould be filled with scars. This is why she always feel sad about it. Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way. She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the scars people people treat her differently. She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women. However, She knows that it is impossible. This is why she always hides herself. Zahra dreams of becoming an actress one day. Because when she watches TV shows, she loves the actresses and she wants to see herself in this position. She think that if she can be in this position it would be to her a dream come true and she can support her mom and her mom would be proud of her.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 10:04AM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Zahra life was in life at risk situation.

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She's almost Almost half of the her body got burned.

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This stain was staying on her bodyHer body would be filled with scars.

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She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the stain scars people make treat her differentdifferently.

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This is why she always hide hides herself.

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Zahra think if the day wouldn’t come to her life she can be dreams of becoming an actress one day.

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Housseynatou Diallo Housseynatou Diallo (Dec 03 2019 10:48AM) : Does she blame her family for that situation?
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Because when she watches the TV show shows, she love loves the actress actresses and she wants to see herself in this position.

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She believe believes that if she became a actress she can financially support her mom and her mom would be proud of her.

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Paul Allison (Dec 03 2019 10:08AM) : Funny ending. Where in the story do you see anything about Maggie wanting to become an actress?

DMU Timestamp: November 27, 2019 01:26

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