Mama's struggle and how Maggie got burned
1 additions to document , most recent about 5 years ago
| When | Why |
|---|---|
| Dec-03-19 | Wording change |
31 changes, most recent about 5 years ago
0 General Document comments
0 Sentence and Paragraph comments
0 Image and Video comments
Paragraph 1 changes
I
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m going to rewrite “Everyday use” as a short story, from the point of view and narrative voice of Mama and Maggie perspective what is their struggle and how maggie got burned on her bodyIntroduction not needed.
Paragraph 2 changes
Once upon a time, a beautiful child was born.
All of the family members were waiting for this moment for a very long time.
After waiting for two=a=half hours, they all heard a child crying and finally the delightful moment come true.
Mom and other family members were crying with smiley faces.
They were hugging each other and sharing happiness.
Mom was holding the baby with teary eyes, and thinking what a blissful gift she had received from God. she was giving her name Zahra Cadence.
After that mum was thinking about how she will grow up this child without her father because the father has been missing for 8 month, when her older daughter Zeila start to go to school.
Mum had to do a lot of sacrifices to grow up Zeila and the father never want to help her.
The father thinks this is her problem so deal with it.
Mama never have her husband beside her as a support.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
All of the family members were waiting for this moment for a very long time. after After waiting for 2 two-and=a=half hour hours, they all heard a child crying and finally the delightful moment come true.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Mum was holding the baby with teary eyeeyes, and thinking what a blissful gift she got had received from God. she was giving her name Zahra Cadence.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
After that mum was to think about how she will grow up this child without her father because the father has been missing for 8 month science , when her older daughter Zeila born start starte to go to school.
Paragraph 3 changes
One day mum was cooking and Zahra was playing with the toy and Zeila was combing her hair.
She was supposed to watch Zahra.
She was supposed to watch Zahra.
Mum was step out for a moment to get the water from the water pump which is located outside their house.
Suddenly, they heared a crackling sound and inside the house it was all black smoke.
Mum was looking back to the house horrified.
She can only see the fire is up to the sky and so dark.
She called her daughters to them to come outside immediately!
Right way Zeila came outside.
Mum was asking where is Zahra and she said she was unable to see her in the dark smoke.
Mum was crying and try to go in but she couldn’t.
Inside the house Zahra was crying and didn’t knowwhat to do in this situation. she was scared.
people from the community came and tried to put out the fire and rescue Zahra.
But it was too late.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
One day mum was cooking and Zahra was playing with the toy and Zeila was comb combing her hair and beside that she . She was supposed to watch Zahra.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Mum was step out for a moment to get the water from the water tab pump which is located outside their house.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Inside the house Zahra was crying and don’t didn't know that what to do in this situation and . She was scared.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
After People from the community’s people community came and tried to put out the fire and rescue Zahra.
Paragraph 4 changes
Zahra life was at risk. Almost half of the body got burned. Her bodywould be filled with scars. This is why she always feel sad about it. Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way. She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the scars people people treat her differently. She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women. However, She knows that it is impossible. This is why she always hides herself. Zahra dreams of becoming an actress one day. Because when she watches TV shows, she loves the actresses and she wants to see herself in this position. She think that if she can be in this position it would be to her a dream come true and she can support her mom and her mom would be proud of herwants to be on TV because she believs if she become famous, then she would have money to support her family.
Zahra life was at risk.
Almost half of the body got burned.
Her bodywould be filled with scars.
This is why she always feel sad about it.
Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way.
She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the scars people people treat her differently.
She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women.
However, She knows that it is impossible.
This is why she always hides herself.
Zahra dreams of becoming an actress one day.
Because when she watches TV shows, she loves the actresses and she wants to see herself in this position.
She wants to be on TV because she believs if she become famous, then she would have money to support her family.
Added December 03, 2019 at 2:48pm
by Fatema Rahman
Title: Wording change
The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 4 (click to return there).
Paragraph 5 changes
Zahra life was at risk.
Almost half of the body got burned.
Her bodywould be filled with scars.
This is why she always feel sad about it.
Because when she goes out of the house, people look at her in a different way.
She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the scars people people treat her differently.
She always wants to see herself as a beautiful women.
However, She knows that it is impossible.
This is why she always hides herself.
Zahra dreams of becoming an actress one day.
Because when she watches TV shows, she loves the actresses and she wants to see herself in this position.
She think that if she can be in this position it would be to her a dream come true and she can support her mom and her mom would be proud of her.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
She wants a normal life like other people but, because of the stain scars people make treat her differentdifferently.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Zahra think if the day wouldn’t come to her life she can be dreams of becoming an actress one day.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Because when she watches the TV show shows, she love loves the actress actresses and she wants to see herself in this position.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
She believe believes that if she became a actress she can financially support her mom and her mom would be proud of her.
General Document Comments 0
icons on the left to see existing comments.
0 archived comments