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My creation of a journal based on Everyday use

1 additions to document , most recent over 1 year ago

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Nov-29-19 can you just use proper english no crushing please. I made these changes because I think it's appropriate and it make since also.

5 changes, most recent over 1 year ago

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1
Paragraph 1 changes
I’m going to rewrite “Title of the Story” as “ Everyday Use” by Alice Walkeras a girl who hates her family, from the point of view and narrative voice of Maggie, and include or omit these details from the story “Dee is lighter than Maggie, with nicer hair and a fuller figure. She's a woman now, though sometimes I forget. How long ago was it that the other house burned? Ten, twelve years? Sometimes I can still hear the flames and feel Maggie's arms sticking to me, her hair smoking and her dress falling off her in little black papery flakes. Her eyes seemed stretched open, blazed open by the flames reflected in them. And Dee. I see her standing off under the sweet gum tree she used to dig gum out of; a look of concentration on her face as she watched the last dingy gray board of the house fall in toward the red-hot brick chimney. Why don't you do a dance around the ashes? I'd wanted to ask her. She had hated the house that much". (You can also say where you aren’t sure yet.)

I’m going to rewrite “ Everyday Use” by Alice Walkeras a girl who hates her family, from the point of view and narrative voice of Maggie, and include these details from the story “Dee is lighter than Maggie, with nicer hair and a fuller figure. She's a woman now, though sometimes I forget. How long ago was it that the other house burned? Ten, twelve years? Sometimes I can still hear the flames and feel Maggie's arms sticking to me, her hair smoking and her dress falling off her in little black papery flakes. Her eyes seemed stretched open, blazed open by the flames reflected in them. And Dee. I see her standing off under the sweet gum tree she used to dig gum out of; a look of concentration on her face as she watched the last dingy gray board of the house fall in toward the red-hot brick chimney. Why don't you do a dance around the ashes? I'd wanted to ask her. She had hated the house that much". (You can also say where you aren’t sure yet.)

2
Paragraph 2 changes

One day, I came back from my work and went to Dee’s room to take her dirty clothes to the laundry. I went to Maggie's room to take her too. I found a notebook hander to on the bed in a plastic bag almost covered by a t-shirt. I took the notebook it and open it. The first page was full of writing, then I start started to read the bookit. "Dear friend book I hope I did not miss you because I was at school. I wonder what is life, and sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad person. I try to make people to love or at least see me as a human but it turned out to be the opposite, even my own sister hates. For my sister, I am maybe jealous of himher. She has everything she wants from people even from God. I have nothing except sadness, hopeless, I mean all bad things. Firstly, The house we get is a good house it still the same house even after the other one has been burned. I never went to another country or town even for a little vacation. Something I would really like, learn about the culture, meet new people, see how life is in another place. But I as you can see always on the same damn place. Sometimes I wonder if I have to kill my sister for not saving me when the old house was burning with on me. Maybe she wanted me to die to get what she wants. If I die she will be the only child of our parents. Therefore she can get more and more beautiful things. Sometimes I say that she was right because why live if nobody likes you, in addition to this I’m the ugliest person in the world." After reading this I was shocked. How come I’m alive and my child is feeling such things? How can I help my child to overcome this feeling and prove to her that she wrong? We, her family all love her but she doesn’t see it. Her sister may be too hard to her I guess she loves her.

One day, I came back from my work and went to Dee’s room to take her dirty clothes to the laundry. I went to Maggie's room to take her too. I found a notebook hander on the bed in a plastic bag almost covered by a t-shirt. I took it and open it. The first page was full of writing, then I started to read it. "Dear friend book I hope I did not miss you because I was at school. I wonder what is life, and sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad person. I try to make people to love or at least see me as a human but it turned out to be the opposite, even my own sister hates. For my sister, I am maybe jealous of her. She has everything she wants from people even from God. I have nothing except sadness, hopeless, I mean all bad things. Firstly, The house we get is a good house it still the same house even after the other one has been burned. I never went to another country or town even for a little vacation. Something I would really like, learn about the culture, meet new people, see how life is in another place. But I as you can see always on the same place. Sometimes I wonder if I have to kill my sister for not saving me when the old house was burning on me. Maybe she wanted me to die to get what she wants. If I die she will be the only child of our parents. Therefore she can get more and more beautiful things. Sometimes I say that she was right because why live if nobody likes you, in addition to this I’m the ugliest person in the world." After reading this I was shocked. How come I’m alive and my child is feeling such things? How can I help my child to overcome this feeling and prove to her that she wrong? We, her family all love her but she doesn’t see it. Her sister may be too hard to her I guess she loves her.

DMU Timestamp: November 21, 2019 20:25

Added November 29, 2019 at 10:42pm by Aboubakar Dabre (suggested by ms Diop)
Title: can you just use proper english no crushing please. I made these changes because I think it's appropriate and it make since also.

The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 2 (click to return there).

3
Paragraph 3 changes
One day, I came back from my work and when went to Dee’s room to take her dirty clothes to the laundry. I went to Maggie's room to take her too. I found a notebook hander to bed in a plastic bag almost covered by a t-shirt. I took the notebook and open it. The first page was full of writing, then I start to read the book. Dear friend book I hope I did not miss you because I was at school. I wonder what is life, and sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad person. I try to make people love or at least see me as a human but it turned out to be the opposite, even my own sister hates. For my sister, I am maybe jealous of him. She has everything she wants from people even from God. I have nothing except sadness, hopeless, I mean all bad things. Firstly The house we get a good house it still the same house even after the other one has been burned. I never went to another country or town even for a little vacation. Something I would really like, learn about the culture, meet new people, see how life is in another place. But I as you can see always on the same damn place. Sometimes I wonder if I have to kill my sister for not saving me when the old house was burning with me. Maybe she wanted me to die to get what she wants. If I die she will be the only child of our parents. Therefore she can get more and more beautiful things. Sometimes I say that she was right because why live if nobody likes you, in addition to this I’m the ugliest person in the world. After reading this I was shocked. How come I’m alive and my child is feeling such things? How can I help my child to overcome this feeling and prove to her that she wrong? We, her family all love her but she doesn’t see it. Her sister may be too hard to her I guess she loves her.

One day, I came back from my work and went to Dee’s room to take her dirty clothes to the laundry. I went to Maggie's room to take her too. I found a notebook hander to bed in a plastic bag almost covered by a t-shirt. I took the notebook and open it. The first page was full of writing, then I start to read the book. Dear friend book I hope I did not miss you because I was at school. I wonder what is life, and sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad person. I try to make people love or at least see me as a human but it turned out to be the opposite, even my own sister hates. For my sister, I am maybe jealous of him. She has everything she wants from people even from God. I have nothing except sadness, hopeless, I mean all bad things. Firstly The house we get a good house it still the same house even after the other one has been burned. I never went to another country or town even for a little vacation. Something I would really like, learn about the culture, meet new people, see how life is in another place. But I as you can see always on the same damn place. Sometimes I wonder if I have to kill my sister for not saving me when the old house was burning with me. Maybe she wanted me to die to get what she wants. If I die she will be the only child of our parents. Therefore she can get more and more beautiful things. Sometimes I say that she was right because why live if nobody likes you, in addition to this I’m the ugliest person in the world. After reading this I was shocked. How come I’m alive and my child is feeling such things? How can I help my child to overcome this feeling and prove to her that she wrong? We, her family all love her but she doesn’t see it. Her sister may be too hard to her I guess she loves her.

DMU Timestamp: November 27, 2019 01:26





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