The hardest letter to write
2 additions to document , most recent over 4 years ago
| When | Why |
|---|---|
| Dec-03-19 | I think your readers will appreciate shorter paragraphs. |
| Dec-03-19 | Wording change |
14 changes, most recent over 4 years ago
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Dear Dee
Paragraph 2 changes
Hello Dee or I should call you Wangero, whatever? Whatever.
I am writing this letter because I would like to know how you are doing. It has been a long time without knowing about you, since mom passed away the last thing that I know about you is your address.
Well, there is a lot to tell you. I am married and I have started a program to learn a well reading and writing.
At the beginning I was scared of people like mom said, but people are not bad… well some people. I feel like if mom was the one that make me or saw me like the scariest person in the world, and I understand her.
Sometimes the world could be rude and cruel for someone like me. However I do not feel resentment because my mom gave you great opportunities which I wish I could have. It feels strange and sad that mom tells us that she loves equal to both but she always treat both differently.
I remember when you came back I was excited because maybe you can help mom to understand that I can attend school, that people would not treat me differently just because my scars or convince her that I have to be brave in the eyes of society.
Sometimes I like to think that she loved me a lot and was trying to protect me but is healthier for me to think that she loves us according to what she thought was better.
However I would like to visit you one day and maybe have a cup of tea and talk about our life. I almost forgot to tell you that I have always admired you.
Hello Dee or I should call you Wangero?
Whatever.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Hello Dee or I should call you Wangero, whatever? Whatever.
I am writing this letter because I would like to know how you are doing. It has been a long time without knowing about you, since mom passed away the last thing that I know about you is your address.
Well, there is a lot to tell you. I am married and I have started a program to learn a well reading and writing.
At the beginning I was scared of people like mom said, but people are not bad… well some people. I feel like if mom was the one that make me or saw me like the scariest person in the world, and I understand her.
Sometimes the world could be rude and cruel for someone like me. However I do not feel resentment because my mom gave you great opportunities which I wish I could have. It feels strange and sad that mom tells us that she loves equal to both but she always treat both differently.
I remember when you came back I was excited because maybe you can help mom to understand that I can attend school, that people would not treat me differently just because my scars or convince her that I have to be brave in the eyes of society.
Sometimes I like to think that she loved me a lot and was trying to protect me but is healthier for me to think that she loves us according to what she thought was better.
However I would like to visit you one day and maybe have a cup of tea and talk about our life. I almost forgot to tell you that I have always admired you.
Reason: I think your readers will appreciate shorter paragraphs.
Paragraph 3 changes
I am writing this letter because I would like to know how you are doing.
It has been a long time without knowing about you.
Since mom passed away the last thing that I know about you is your address.
Paragraph 4 changes
Well, there is a lot to tell you. I am married and I have started a program to learn to be a well reading and writing.better reader and writer
Well, there is a lot to tell you.
I am married and I have started a program to learn to be a better reader and writer
Paragraph 5 changes
At the beginning I was scared of people like mom said, but people are not bad… well some people.
I feel like if mom was the one who made me or saw me like the scariest person in the world, and I understand her.
Paragraph 6 changes
Sometimes the world could be rude and cruel for someone like me.
However I do not feel resentment because my mom gave you great opportunities which I wish I could had.
It feels strange and sad that mom tells us that she loves equal to both but she always treat both differently.
Paragraph 7 changes
I remember when you came back I was excited because maybe you could help mom to understand that I could attend school, that people would not treat me differently just because my scars or convince her that I have to be brave in the eyes of society.
Sometimes I like to think that she loved me a lot and was trying to protect me but is healthier for me to think that she loves us according to what she thought was better.
Paragraph 9 changes
However I would like to visit you one day and maybe have a cup of tea and talk about our lives.
I almost forgot to tell you that I have always admired you.
Sincerely,
Maggie
Added December 03, 2019 at 10:35am
by Abigail Zamora
(suggested by Paul Allison)
Title: I think your readers will appreciate shorter paragraphs.
The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 2 (click to return there).
Paragraph 12 changes
Hello Dee or I should call you Wangero, whatever.
I am writing this letter because I would like to know how you are doing.
It has been a long time without knowing about you.
Since mom passed away, the last thing that I know about you is your address.
Well, there is a lot to tell you.
I am married and I have started a program to learn to be a better reader and writer.
At the beginning I was scared of people like mom said, but people are not bad… well some people.
I feel like if mom was the one who made me or saw me like the scariest person in the world, and I understand her.
Sometimes the world could be rude and cruel for someone like me.
However I do not feel resentment because my mom gave you great opportunities which I wish I could have had.
It felt strange and sad when mom told us that she loves us both equally, but she always treated us differently.
I remember when you came back I was excited because maybe you could help mom to understand that I could attend school, that people would not treat me differently just because my scars or convince her that I have to be brave in the eyes of society.
Sometimes I like to think that she loved me a lot and was trying to protect me, but is it healthier for me to think that she loves us according to what she thought was better?
However I would like to visit you one day and maybe have a cup of tea and talk about our lives.
I almost forgot to tell you that I have always admired you.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
It has been a long time without knowing about you, since . Since mom passed away, the last thing that I know about you is your address.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I am married and I have started a program to learn to be a well reading better reader and writingwriter.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I feel like if mom was the one that make who made me or saw me like the scariest person in the world, and I understand her.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
However I do not feel resentment because my mom gave you great opportunities which I wish I could have had.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
It feels felt strange and sad that when mom tells told us that she loves equal to us both equally, but she always treat both treated us differently.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I remember when you came back I was excited because maybe you can could help mom to understand that I can could attend school, that people would not treat me differently just because my scars or convince her that I have to be brave in the eyes of society.
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
Sometimes I like to think that she loved me a lot and was trying to protect me, but is it healthier for me to think that she loves us according to what she thought was better.?
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)
I almost forgot to tell you that I have always admired you.
Added December 03, 2019 at 3:03pm
by Abigail Zamora
Title: Wording change
The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 4 (click to return there).
Well, there is a lot to tell you. I am married and I have started a program to learn a well reading and writing.
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