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The differences Between Sisters

2 additions to document , most recent over 4 years ago

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Nov-26-19 Wording change
Nov-26-19 Wording change

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One upon a time, in the 90s where there was a black family lives in a small and unsafe neighbourhood. The mother has two young daughters Maggie and her sister Dee. They used to play together all the time, their . Their mother loved to see them that way. The house was pretty and organized, Maggie and her sister Dee used to clean the house every morning. They had a maid who used to help them clean and cook. Their mother was the most thrilled person in the world, to the fact that she .She thought she had the most two beautiful daughters ever and the .The two daughters that do not get envious of each other , in addition and they always share shared their things to with each other.Their mother always goes went to buy new jewelry for them, however she buys different colors to test her daughters ' sisterhood.Maggie and Dee always prove proved their mother that they were the way she wants wanted to see them. The neighbourhood that the family were living in was not a safe environment. Mama always dreamed to live in a safer one where she can see her two daughters grow and be the most important people in the citysociety.Unfortunately that could not happen because white people did not like to invite other people of color into their neighbourhood.

One upon a time, in the 90s there was a black family lives in a small and unsafe neighbourhood. The mother has two young daughters Maggie and her sister Dee. They used to play together all the time. Their mother loved to see them that way. The house was pretty and organized, Maggie and her sister Dee used to clean the house every morning. They had a maid who used to help them clean and cook. Their mother was the most thrilled person in the world. She thought she had the most beautiful daughters ever. The two daughters not get envious of each other and they always shared their things with each other. Their mother always went to buy new jewelry for them, however she buys different colors to test her daughters' sisterhood. Maggie and Dee always proved their mother that they were the way she wanted to see them. The neighbourhood that the family were living in was not a safe environment. Mama always dreamed to live in a safer one where she can see her two daughters grow and be the most important people in the society. Unfortunately that could not happen because white people did not like to invite people of color into their neighbourhood.

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Dec 1
Fatema Rahman Fatema Rahman (Dec 01 2019 7:32PM) : Why their neighborhood was unsafe?
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Paul Allison

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:25PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

One upon a time, in the 90s there where was a black family lives in a small and unsafe neighbourhood.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:30PM) : We have to figure out what tense to use. Mostly you have it in past tense, but sometimes you slip into present tense. If this is a fairy tale, you could make it all present tense. Maybe try that with a paragraph and see if it feels okay. Be consistent.
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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:39PM) : Why do you have this happening in the 90s?
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Dec 3
Housseynatou Diallo Housseynatou Diallo (Dec 03 2019 10:40AM) : Because it was the time when racism was happening.
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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:25PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

They used to play together all the time, their . Their mother loved to see them that way.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:27PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Their mother was the most thrilled person in the world, to the fact that she . She thought she has had the most beautiful daughters ever and the . The two daughters that do not get envious to of each other , in addition and they always share shared their things to with each other.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:30PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Their mother always goes went to buy new jewelry for them, however she buys different colors to test her daughters ' sisterhood.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:31PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Maggie and Dee always prove proved their mother that they were the way she wants wanted to see them.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:32PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Mama always dreamed to live in a safer one where she can see her two daughters grow and be the most important people in the society.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:32PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Unfortunately that could not happen because white people did not like to invite other people of color into their neighbourhood.

2
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Their neighbor was not the best place for them because everyday they see saw how people in of color being tortured and see saw their houses set on fire.All of their personal things get were destroyed and they lose lost everything afterwards.One day Maggie’s family experiences experienced the worse worst thing in their life lives since they live lived there. Some unkind people came to hurt a black family, because one member from the black family got into a fight. He was being discriminated in school and he fought back. The white family went to get revenge. They set their house on fire. Mama went to help the family who were in need. Sadly the white people attacked them too because they were helping the other family.Melancholy Sadly, Maggie was in the living room and she was burned all over her arms and legs. Mama came home and found that Maggie had fainted in the room and she quickly took her to the hospital. Over months she injured her injuries healed but she still had scars all over her arms and legs.That’s how Maggie started to feel hat she was the most unattractive person in the world and feel felt so envious towards her sister. She thought that the word « no » is the world will never learn to say to her. She hallucinate imagines that her mother loves her sister more. Their sisterhood was destroyed. Mama was disappointed to see her two daughters like that.

Their neighbor was not the best place for them because everyday they saw how people of color being tortured and saw their houses set on fire. All of their personal things were destroyed and they lost everything. One day Maggie’s family experienced the worst thing in their lives since they lived there. Some unkind people came to hurt a black family, because one member from the black family got into a fight. He was being discriminated in school and he fought back. The white family went to get revenge. They set their house on fire. Mama went to help the family who were in need. Sadly the white people attacked them too because they were helping the other family. Sadly, Maggie was in the living room and she was burned all over her arms and legs. Mama came home and found that Maggie had fainted in the room and she quickly took her to the hospital. Over months her injuries healed but she still had scars all over her arms and legs. That’s how Maggie started to feel hat she was the most unattractive person and felt so envious towards her sister. She thought that the word « no » is the world will never learn to say to her. She imagines that her mother loves her sister more. Their sisterhood was destroyed. Mama was disappointed to see her two daughters like that.

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Paul Allison

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:33PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Their neighbor was not the best place for them because everyday they see saw how people in of color being tortured and see saw their houses set on fire.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:34PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

All of their personal things get were destroyed and they lose lost everything afterwards.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:35PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

One day Maggie’s family experiences experienced the worse worst thing in their life lives since they live lived there.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:36PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

MelancholySadly, Maggie was in the living room and she was burned all over her arms and legs.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:36PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Mama came home and found that Maggie had fainted in the room and she quickly took her to the hospital.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:36PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Over months her injured injuries healed but she still had scars all over her arms and legs.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:37PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

That’s how Maggie started to feel hat she was the most unattractive person and felt so envious towards her sister.

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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:38PM) : I'm not sure I understand this sentence. Are you saying that the world will always say "No!" Maggie, no matter what she does?
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Paul Allison (Dec 02 2019 6:38PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

She hallucinate imagines that her mother loves her sister more.

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Fatoumata Diallo Fatoumata Diallo (Nov 30 2019 5:52PM) : Tell me more about this? Why she was disappointed? can you give me more details? [Edited]
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Housseynatou Diallo Housseynatou Diallo (Nov 30 2019 6:44PM) : The reason why she was disappointed is because she thought that her daughters will grow and be happy however that's not what happened. Maggie thinks that blaming her family would solve her problem.

DMU Timestamp: November 21, 2019 20:25

Added November 26, 2019 at 3:32pm by Housseynatou Diallo
Title: Wording change

The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 1 (click to return there).

One upon a time, in the 90s where a black family lives in a small and unsafe neighbourhood. The mother has two young daughters Maggie and her sister Dee. They used to play together all the time, their mother loved to see them that way. The house was pretty and organized, Maggie and her sister Dee used to clean the house every morning. They had a maid who used to help them clean and cook. Their mother was the most thrilled person in the world, to the fact that she thought she the most two beautiful daughters ever and the two daughters that do not get envious of each other, in addition they always share their things to each other. Their mother always goes to buy new jewelry for them, however she buys different colors to test her daughters ‘ sisterhood. Maggie and Dee always prove their mother the way she wants to see them. The neighbourhood that the family were living in was not a safe environment. Mama always dreamed to live in safer one where she can her two daughters grow and be the most important people in the city. Unfortunately that could not happen because white people did not like to invite other people of color into their neighbourhood.

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Nov 26
Fatema Rahman Fatema Rahman (Nov 26 2019 3:35PM) : can you tell me about their relationship?
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Nov 30
Housseynatou Diallo Housseynatou Diallo (Nov 30 2019 7:00PM) : Their relationship was real and serious as a family but what happened to Maggie got her become someone else that the family thought it would never occur.
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DMU Timestamp: November 21, 2019 20:25

Added November 26, 2019 at 3:35pm by Housseynatou Diallo
Title: Wording change

The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 2 (click to return there).

Their neighbor was not the best place for them because everyday they see how people in color being tortured and see their houses set on fire. All of their personal things get destroyed and they lose everything afterwards. One day Maggie’s family experiences the worse in their life since they live there. Some unkind people came to hurt a black family, because one member from the black family got into a fight. He was being discriminated in school and fought back. The white family went to get revenge. They set their house on fire. Mama went to help the family who were in need. Sadly the white people attacked them too because they were helping the other family. Melancholy, Maggie was in the living room and she was burned all over her arms and legs. Mama came home and found Maggie fainted in the room and she quickly took her to the hospital. Over months she injured healed but she still had scars all over her arms and legs. That’s how Maggie started to feel the most unattractive person in the world and feel so envious towards her sister. She thought that the word « no » is the world will never learn to say to her. She hallucinate that her mother loves her sister more. Their sisterhood was destroyed. Mama was disappointed to see her two daughters like that.

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Nov 26
Fatema Rahman Fatema Rahman (Nov 26 2019 3:38PM) : can you tell me more about it?
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DMU Timestamp: November 21, 2019 20:25

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