NowComment
2-Pane Combined
Comments:
Full Summaries Sorted

games - My first draft

1 additions to document , most recent about 4 years ago

When Why
Feb-04-20 Wording change

3 changes, most recent about 4 years ago

Show Changes

0 General Document comments
0 Sentence and Paragraph comments
0 Image and Video comments


1
Paragraph 1 changes

Games are cool but something some parents think that they are bad because sometimes they can be violence because is violent and about shooting and killing like, for example, "Call of duty and fortnite they Duty and "Fortnite." These are games about shooting, but there not violence all are games that are not violent. All the games are not like that another .

Another example are games like NBA2k NBA 2K which is a game about basketball is , not about shouting this shooting. This is a game that people like playing because it is fun even me i . Even I love playing NBA2k i NBA 2K.

I started playing NBA2k NBA 2K when i I was 13, and even now, I play this game because it is fun to meet friends and play with the friends that I play now there . They are the same people that I meet when I started playing this game, and they are still my friends now, and we still play together. I play with my friends because I like the feeling of winning games and winning games makes me feel heroic and happy because for .

For me, playing videos games is like yoga for my mind some . Some parents do not like their kids to play these games, but some parents like their kids to play these games because they the kids be in the house, not in the streets because the . The streets are have too many violence why being much violence. Why be in the streets went they can be in there their houses .Playing playing video games because .

in the streets, kids and not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive, trying not to get kill ohh there . Oh, they're in the streets selling weed, drugs to feed their families us . We go home buy a ps4 PS4 and stats start playing video games because you don't want to lose your life in the streets.

Games are cool but some parents think that they are bad because sometimes they can be violent and about shooting and killing like, for example, "Call of Duty and "Fortnite." These are games about shooting, but there are games that are not violent. All the games are not like that.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 1 0
profile_photo

I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)

Feb 3
Paul Allison

I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)

Paul Allison (Feb 03 2020 4:35PM) : Suggested Replacement more wording accepted ✓

Games are cool but something some parents think that they are bad because sometimes they can be violence because is violent and about shooting and killing like, for example, "Call of duty and fortnite they Duty and "Fortnite." These are games about shooting, but there not violence all are games that are not violent. All the games are not like that another .

Another example are games like NBA2k NBA 2K which is a game about basketball is , not about shouting this shooting. This is a game that people like playing because it is fun even me i . Even I love playing NBA2k i NBA 2K.

I started playing NBA2k NBA 2K when i I was 13, and even now, I play this game because it is fun to meet friends and play with the friends that I play now there . They are the same people that I meet when I started playing this game, and they are still my friends now, and we still play together. I play with my friends because I like the feeling of winning games and winning games makes me feel heroic and happy because for .

For me, playing videos games is like yoga for my mind some . Some parents do not like their kids to play these games, but some parents like their kids to play these games because they the kids be in the house, not in the streets because the . The streets are have too many violence why being much violence. Why be in the streets went they can be in there their houses .Playing playing video games because .

in the streets, kids and not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive, trying not to get kill ohh there . Oh, they're in the streets selling weed, drugs to feed their families us . We go home buy a ps4 PS4 and stats start playing video games because you don't want to lose your life in the streets.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 1, Sentence 1 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 1, Sentence 2 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 1, Sentence 3 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.

Another example are games like NBA 2K which is a game about basketball, not about shooting. This is a game that people like playing because it is fun. Even I love playing NBA 2K.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 2 0
No paragraph-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 2, Sentence 1 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 2, Sentence 2 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 2, Sentence 3 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.

I started playing NBA 2K when I was 13, and even now, I play this game because it is fun to meet friends and play with the friends that I play now. They are the same people that I meet when I started playing this game, and they are still my friends now, and we still play together. I play with my friends because I like the feeling of winning games and winning games makes me feel heroic and happy.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 3 0
No paragraph-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 3, Sentence 1 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 3, Sentence 2 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 3, Sentence 3 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.

For me, playing videos games is like yoga for my mind. Some parents do not like their kids to play these games, but some parents like their kids to play these games because the kids be in the house, not in the streets. The streets have too much violence. Why be in the streets went they can be in their houses playing video games.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 4 0
No paragraph-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 4, Sentence 1 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 4, Sentence 2 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 4, Sentence 3 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 4, Sentence 4 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
5
Paragraph 5 changes
in In the streets, kids and not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive, trying not to get killkilled. Oh, they're in the streets selling weed, drugs to feed their families. We go home buy a PS4 and start playing video games because you don't want to lose your life in the streets.

In the streets, kids and not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive, trying not to get killed. Oh, they're in the streets selling weed, drugs to feed their families. We go home buy a PS4 and start playing video games because you don't want to lose your life in the streets.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 5 0
No paragraph-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 5, Sentence 1 0
profile_photo

I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)

Feb 4
Paul Allison

I’m the Tech Liaison for the New York City Writing Project. I… (more)

Paul Allison (Feb 04 2020 4:10PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

in In the streets, kids and not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive, trying not to get killkilled.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 5, Sentence 2 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 5, Sentence 3 0
No sentence-level conversations. Start one.

DMU Timestamp: January 21, 2020 02:52

Added February 04, 2020 at 3:43pm by Dawry Corcino (suggested by Paul Allison)
Title: Wording change

The text below is the previous wording for paragraph 1 (click to return there).

6
Paragraph 6 changes
Games are cool but something parents think that they are bad because sometimes they can be violence because is about shooting and killing like for example Call of duty and fortnite they are games about shooting but there not violence all the games are not like that another example like NBA2k is a game about basketball is not about shouting this is a game that people like playing because is fun even me i I love playing NBA2k i started playing NBA2k when i was 13 and even now I play this game because is fun to meet friends and play with the friends that I play now there are the same people that I meet when I started playing this game and they are still my friends now and we still play together. I play with my friends because I like the feeling of winning games and winning games makes me feel heroic and happy because for me playing videos games is like yoga for my mind some parents do not like their kids to play these games but some parents like their kids to play these games because they be in the house, not in the streets because the streets are too many violence why being in the streets went they can be in there houses. Playing video games because in the streets kids not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive not to get kill ohh there in the streets selling weed drugs to feed their families us go home buy a ps4 and stats playing video games because you don't want to lose your life in the streets.

Games are cool but something parents think that they are bad because sometimes they can be violence because is about shooting and killing like for example Call of duty and fortnite they are games about shooting but there not violence all the games are not like that another example like NBA2k is a game about basketball is not about shouting this is a game that people like playing because is fun even me I love playing NBA2k i started playing NBA2k when i was 13 and even now I play this game because is fun to meet friends and play with the friends that I play now there are the same people that I meet when I started playing this game and they are still my friends now and we still play together. I play with my friends because I like the feeling of winning games and winning games makes me feel heroic and happy because for me playing videos games is like yoga for my mind some parents do not like their kids to play these games but some parents like their kids to play these games because they be in the house, not in the streets because the streets are too many violence why being in the streets went they can be in there houses. Playing video games because in the streets kids not only kids, young people go to the streets trying to survive not to get kill ohh there in the streets selling weed drugs to feed their families us go home buy a ps4 and stats playing video games because you don't want to lose your life in the streets.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 6 0
No paragraph-level conversations. Start one.
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 6, Sentence 1 0
profile_photo
Feb 3
Yeiro Brioso Yeiro Brioso (Feb 03 2020 3:36PM) : ooh so the mean the u was playing video games for 6 years [Edited]
profile_photo
Feb 3
Idrissa Sylla Idrissa Sylla (Feb 03 2020 3:37PM) : I disagree with when you said "parents think playing games is violence" because not every parents think the same the best word you could use can be "most parents".
profile_photo
Feb 3
Dewry Corcino Dewry Corcino (Feb 03 2020 3:45PM) : Suggested Revision more wording accepted ✓

Games are cool but something parents think that they are bad because sometimes they can be violence because is about shooting and killing like for example Call of duty and fortnite they are games about shooting but there not violence all the games are not like that another example like NBA2k is a game about basketball is not about shouting this is a game that people like playing because is fun even me i I love playing NBA2k i started playing NBA2k when i was 13 and even now I play this game because is fun to meet friends and play with the friends that I play now there are the same people that I meet when I started playing this game and they are still my friends now and we still play together.

New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 6, Sentence 2 0
profile_photo
Feb 3
Dewry Corcino Dewry Corcino (Feb 03 2020 3:37PM) : he send video games is like yoga for my mind that line is so funny for me [Edited]
New Thinking Partner Conversation New Conversation
Paragraph 6, Sentence 3 0
profile_photo
Feb 3
Dewry Corcino Dewry Corcino (Feb 03 2020 3:42PM) : i never go outsice i like to stay at home
profile_photo
Feb 3
Idrissa Sylla Idrissa Sylla (Feb 03 2020 3:43PM) : but playing video games wont get you no money you got to hustle to make money some type of way.
profile_photo
Feb 3
Yeiro Brioso Yeiro Brioso (Feb 03 2020 3:43PM) : thats its right but if you stay at home all day u not gone get money for your neets

DMU Timestamp: February 03, 2020 23:30

General Document Comments 0
New Thinking Partner Conversation Start a new Document-level conversation

profile_photo
Feb 10
khaled alsayedi khaled alsayedi (Feb 10 2020 3:34PM) : damages in videos games more

They can cause stress, anxiety, and even isolation if the addiction gets severe enough . And Video games can even kill brain cells and interrupt a person’s sleep

Image
0 comments, 0 areas
add area
add comment
change display
Video
add comment

Quickstart: Commenting and Sharing

How to Comment
  • Click icons on the left to see existing comments.
  • Desktop/Laptop: double-click any text, highlight a section of an image, or add a comment while a video is playing to start a new conversation.
    Tablet/Phone: single click then click on the "Start One" link (look right or below).
  • Click "Reply" on a comment to join the conversation.
How to Share Documents
  1. "Upload" a new document.
  2. "Invite" others to it.

Logging in, please wait... Blue_on_grey_spinner