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Mindy Kahling's Guide to Killer Confidence


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Excerpt from “Mindy Kahling’s Guide to Killer Confidence”

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By Mindy Kahling

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Glamour Magazine

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April 4, 2015

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People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work. That's a mistake. I know I sound like some dour older spinster chambermaid on Downton Abbey who has never felt a man's touch and whose heart has turned to stone, but I don't understand how you could have self-confidence if you don't do the work.

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Jun 5
Jo C Jo C (Jun 05 2020 1:11AM) : people think if someone is acting confident then they are acting like they are better than some people
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May 4
aiden u aiden u (May 04 2020 6:11PM) : hard work more

t takes a lot of hard work to gain confidence, but if you are confident people say things negative

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May 5
Chenoa F Chenoa F (May 05 2020 5:19PM) : This is true, Aiden. When did working hard and having success or confidence become a thing to criticize?
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I work a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I feel like I must have been watching TV as a kid and that cartoon parable about the industrious ants and the lazy grasshopper came on at a vital moment when my soft little brain was hardening, and the moral of it was imprinted on me. The result of which is that I'm usually hyper-prepared for whatever I set my mind to do, which makes me feel deserving of attention and professional success, when that's what I'm seeking.

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May 28
Merlin m Merlin m (May 28 2020 3:46PM) : I feel like the moral of this paragraph is that you cant simply become so driven to do whatever you do unless you were either born so driven or you learned how to be at a young age.
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Jun 5
Jo C Jo C (Jun 05 2020 1:12AM) : working hard gives you a number of things like confidence the more you do it, work ethic, and skills
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I didn't always feel this way. When I was a kid, I thought I could cruise through life and get ahead on charm, like a little Indian Ferris Bueller. In the summer after fourth grade, my parents enrolled me in a two-week-long basketball camp. If it surprises you that a girl with my build was interested in basketball, it should. But I was, because I had a fantasy that I was in Hang Time. And I was terrible. I could've gotten better, but I didn't want to do drills. I just wanted to play pickup games, socialize, and drink Gatorade. I never wanted to practice. At the end of the two-week camp, I was no better at basketball. But at the farewell ceremony, trophies were handed out and I got one for "Coolest Clothes." I ran home, delighted, and placed it proudly on top of our TV for all to see.

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May 4
Jaydon H Jaydon H (May 04 2020 2:25PM) : relate more

honestly the little accomplishments can mean the world to someone. i was the same way. During club basketball i never played lol but i was always excited to get a ribbon at the end of a tournament

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May 27
Alanna W Alanna W (May 27 2020 12:55PM) : i can relate to this, my father pushed basketball on me when i didn't even really enjoy the sport. then i got older and my mom did the same thing. but i was always excited to play with my friends
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May 20
jade h jade h (May 20 2020 12:05AM) : i can relate becuz growing up was always a fear but i got it now:)
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Weeks later, I went to the TV room to find that it was gone. My beautiful trophy! Was it stolen by a gang of criminals jealous of my peach denim shorts from the Limited Too?! Mom told me she had "put it away." I didn't understand. Someone had singled me out for praise and the trophy deserved to be seen. Then my mom said something to me, slowly and carefully, like she always did to make sure I was really listening: "They gave you that trophy so you wouldn't feel bad, not because you deserved it. You should know the difference."

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May 4
Dawid J Dawid J (May 04 2020 9:32AM) : Ouch. I mean a trophy is still a trophy. I never even heard of such a reward for "coolest clothes". A compliment is better than a trophy but I guess a trophy is kind of like a compliment.
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I was of course incredibly hurt and thought Mom was nuts. I thought, There's a great deal of value in being well dressed at basketball day camp. It keeps morale up and adds a sense of cheeky fun to the whole day. Later, I realized what she had said was true. A bunch of unearned trophies around the house would make me hooked on awards, which is bad in general, but especially bad if you don't deserve them. The whole experience made me want to win another trophy, but win it for actually doing something great.

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May 7
Audra J Audra J (May 07 2020 12:12PM) : Tough love is some times the best way to go and by doing this she showed her how to work for something which is something I think not many people are taught very well
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Jun 4
Jaren D Jaren D (Jun 04 2020 1:57PM) : The facts that he realized that all childhood tough love was meant for a reason because as he grew older he valued the work rather than the prize
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Hard work is such a weird thing. As children and teenagers you are told it's a really good thing, but for adults it suddenly becomes the worst thing in the world.

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May 4
brenden k brenden k (May 04 2020 8:43PM) : In my life i have always been told the same thing and as i get older it really does get worse and can become a beatdown on your life
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May 27
Alanna W Alanna W (May 27 2020 12:57PM) : the thing with hard work is you don't always want to do it, but the outcome or in the end it usually pays off. you just don't realize that in the beginning
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May 7
Barrett W Barrett W (May 07 2020 12:19PM) : Hard work is weird because you don't always want to do it sometimes you just have the drive to get your yard done or do your homework and other times you just wanna sit and watch TV or play video games.
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May 15
isaiah z isaiah z (May 15 2020 2:29PM) : hard work more

i agree but how do you really know that you are working hard enough because there are people working harder than us everyday and something that we are doing that we think is hard may no be hard for the other person at all so how do you know if it really is hard work because everyone is different

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We do a thing in America, which is to label people "workaholics" and tell them that work is ruining their lives. It's such a widespread opinion that it seems like the premise to every indie movie is "Workaholic mom comes home to find that her entire family hates her. It's not until she cuts back on work, smokes a little pot, and takes up ballroom dancing classes with her neglected husband that she realizes what is truly important in life. Not work." Working parents have now eclipsed shady Russian-esque operatives as America's most popular choice of movie villain. And to some degree, I understand why the trope exists. It probably resonates because most people in this country hate their jobs. The economies of entire countries like Turks and Caicos are banking on US citizens hating their jobs and wanting to get away from it all. And I understand that. But it's a confusing message for kids.

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May 4
Jaydon H Jaydon H (May 04 2020 2:33PM) : Working isn't always good more

While working a lot can help your family financially, it can hurt them mentally by not being able to see you or get any attention from you.

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May 5
Chenoa F Chenoa F (May 05 2020 5:28PM) : This raises an interesting question, Jaydon. How much work is too much?
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May 7
Barrett W Barrett W (May 07 2020 12:31PM) : Judging people more

When Mindy Kahling wrote people like to label people it so true in today’s society because we like to judge people on how they look. For example if they are very rich they most likely dress like it and show off to people and if a homeless man/women was on the street we would judge them in a bad.

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May 7
Chenoa F Chenoa F (May 07 2020 1:34PM) : True. And a person's physical appearance doesn't often accurately portray how hard they work in life.
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The reason I'm bringing this up is not to defend my status as someone who always works. (I swear I'm not that Tiger Mom lady! I don't think you need to play piano for eleven hours with no meals! Or only watch historical movies, then write reports on them for me to read and grade!) It's just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a "workaholic." We can't have it both ways, and children should know that.

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May 28
Merlin m Merlin m (May 28 2020 3:48PM) : Carole Baskin?
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Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.

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May 4
Dawid J Dawid J (May 04 2020 10:04AM) : The final qoute reminds of something a great man once said, "Respect has to be earned Sweet, just like money (Melvin Harris, GTA San Andreas)". Yes. I took a quote from a video game. [Edited] more

Mindy Kahlings talk made think that people who work hard for money should get better salaries then those who work not work as hard. I guess that kind of exists already. Those who “work harder or smarter” in a company get promoted and will earn more.

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May 7
Audra J Audra J (May 07 2020 12:10PM) : This is something my parents have always told me, they tell me that you should not expect to receive respect until you have proven you desire it. I think they are right you should not give or expect something till proven
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May 7
Chenoa F Chenoa F (May 07 2020 1:35PM) : I love this phrase from your parents. You have to respect yourself before you can expect others to respect you.
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May 15
isaiah z isaiah z (May 15 2020 2:35PM) : i mean i agree with this statement and i don't more

and this is why if confidence is something that is earned then why are there so many people today that don’t do much of anything but are still very confident in themselves when they do something weather it be cooking or riding a bike etc

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DMU Timestamp: April 27, 2020 21:40

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Jun 4
Claudia S Claudia S (Jun 04 2020 7:42PM) : the exploration of views from a range of sources will help you discover YOUR own path to gain confidence. more

doesn’t really apply when it comes to body image issues. The brand of confidence she touts around does feel like it’s built on a shaky

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