“Roxane Gay: The Bad Feminist Manifesto”
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“Roxane Gay: The Bad Feminist Manifesto”
The Guardian, August 2, 2016
She wants to be independent — and taken care of. She loves rap, while finding the lyrics offensive to the core. In this extract from her latest book, a “flawed” feminist reveals all.
"The more I write, the more I put myself out into the world as a bad feminist but, I hope, a good woman."
I am failing as a woman. I am failing as a feminist. To freely accept the feminist label would not be fair to good feminists. If I am, indeed, a feminist, I am a rather bad one. I am a mess of contradictions.
She gets the main thought of the essay out there to pull the reader into her explanation
She supports feminism but also has many contradictions but at the same time likes to be feminine.
This is a really strong start and puts her argument at the forefront
When attempting to accept those around you in a world that has instilled discriminatory values in all aspects of life, it is difficult.Constantly contradicting your values, new and old,is hard, but it is okay, because humans who are willing to fight THEMSELVES to help future generations love themselves more make them great people and a still a good feminist.
There are many ways in which I am doing feminism wrong, at least according to the way my perceptions of feminism have been warped by being a woman.
She is implying that the way that feminism is viewed by everyone is subjective. Everyone has different perceptions of what a feminist actually is.
I want to be independent, but I want to be taken care of and have someone to come home to. I have a job I'm pretty good at. I am in charge of things. I am on committees. People respect me and take my counsel. I want to be strong and professional, but I resent how hard I have to work to be taken seriously, to receive a fraction of the consideration I might otherwise receive. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming need to cry at work, so I close my office door and lose it.
She starts to delve into the contradiction between who she thinks she needs to be as a feminist and who she wants to be. I think this a feeling that many women experience: the feeling of not wanting to fit into the stereotype of a woman that society has made but also not being able to live up to the expectation of what a feminist should be.
She repeats the starter “I want…” throughout this and the next paragraph in order to resonate with her audience on her conflicted mindset about her existence as a woman and how it goes against her perception of how she should act as a feminist.
She has contradicting thoughts and values pertaining to her feminism, which makes her seem like a “bad feminist”. This supports her argument about her being a bad feminist. It is draining her from being able to be free as a woman, exactly what feminists are advocating for.
In this paragraph she explains how she can be seen as a “bad feminist” because her ideals aren’t necessarily the same as a “normal” feminist. It also opens up her argument that she shouldn’t have to stop being herself in order to buy into the typical feminist ideology.
By saying, “overwhelming” “need to cry”, the author is explaining how her emotions tend to spill out at the most stressful moments at work.
I want to be in charge, respected, in control, but I want to surrender, completely, in certain aspects of my life. Who wants to grow up?
When I drive to work, I listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume, even though the lyrics are degrading to women and offend me to my core. The classic Ying Yang Twins song Salt Shaker? It's amazing. "B****, you gotta shake it till..." Poetry. (I am mortified by my music choices.) I care what people think.
Pink is my favorite color. I used to say my favorite color was black to be cool, but it is pink — all shades of pink. If I have an accessory, it is probably pink. I read Vogue, and I'm not doing it ironically. I once live-tweeted the September issue.
Her whole article is about how she feels like a bad feminist, so she decides to use a common thing such as a color to explain how she doesn’t really go against stereotypes that women are constantly put in. She feels that having pink as her favorite color as opposed to black makes her less of a feminist.
Because she is a woman, and a feminist, she feels like she cannot allow herself to like things that are gendered towards woman. Reading this made me realize how many woman have been raised on the idea that everything feminine is bad, or that if you like these things then that means you buy into gender roles. But many woman can still like the color pink, just like many men like the color blue. Even so, many woman like blue, and many men like pink. There’s nothing wrong with liking these things, and the fact you realized they are gendered but still CHOSE to like them, shows that she is a powerful feminist.
I love dresses. For years I pretended I hated them, but I don't. Maxi dresses are one of the finest clothing items to become popular in recent memory. I have opinions on maxi dresses! I shave my legs! Again, this mortifies me. If I take issue with the unrealistic standards of beauty women are held to, I shouldn't have a secret fondness for fashion and smooth calves, right?
Her evidence is examples from her own life.
Gay lists all the things that make her fit directly into the stereotypes used in society now that “feminist” commonly use to say women shouldn’t be defined by. She questions if liking these things are because of society or is this how she really feels.
I think it is important for her to talk about all of the simple and little things that women are expected of from society, like shavings their legs and wearing dresses, and how even though she is a femminist, it is okay for her to still be herself and admit she she personally enjoys these things. She doesn’t enjoy them because they are forced onto her by society, but they bring her personally happiness. If she likes having smooth legs and to wear long dresses, then why not?
This is an illustration that she tells others and herself that she is someone that she isn’t at heart. This is a common issue for people as we feel that we have to be something we aren’t, for her she feels that she isn’t all people think she is and she feels hypocritical. I feel that this practice is very unhealthy for people as it creates undue stress, but in some cases, it is a moral decision to do the right thing for all and not the right thing for yourself, as she is doing.
it shouldn’t be a big deal how someone personally chooses to look as long as its for themselves and not someone else
I know nothing about cars. When I take my car to the mechanic, they are speaking a foreign language. I still call my father with questions about cars, and am not terribly interested in changing any of my car-related ignorance.
Despite what people think based on my writing, I very much like men. They're interesting to me, and I mostly wish they'd be better about how they treat women so I wouldn't have to call them out so often. And still, I put up with nonsense from unsuitable men even though I know better and can do better. I love diamonds and the excess of weddings. I consider certain domestic tasks as gendered, mostly all in my favor because I don't care for chores — lawn care, bug killing and trash removal, for example, are men's work.
Okay, you and I know that not all dudes treat women badly and to generalize all men in this statement is a bad thing.
She never ONCE said all men, she simply wished that MOST men would not treat women so poorly.
If you believe that she means every man on earth in that statement, then I guess she likes every man since she also said, “I very much like men. They’re interesting to me.”
She clearly doesn’t mean that all men are interesting and nice, just like she doesn’t think all men hurt women.
media tells us that we can “fix” people and that we will be so happy if we find someone who only wants us media tricks and lies to us
This contradict feminism point of view as feniminism point of view wants women and men to be equal, but then saying they’re gender roles when it comes to household chores.
She states that the most gruesome work that’s done is men’s work, which goes against a feminists’ viewpoint because they don’t believe in gender roles and imbalances
I agree with this to a certain extent. Females always rant about being independent but when it comes to doing independent things they complain about them.
Some women enjoy certain tasks that require lots of physical involvement than others. There’s also a difference between being independent and wanting help regarding other aspects that some may not be best at.
I love babies, and I want to have one. I am willing to make certain compromises (not sacrifices) in order to do so — namely, maternity leave and slowing down at work to spend more time with my child, writing less, so I can be more present in my life. I worry about dying alone, unmarried and childless, because I spent so much time pursuing my career and accumulating degrees. This kind of thinking keeps me up at night, but I pretend it doesn't because I am supposed to be evolved. My success, such as it is, is supposed to be enough if I'm a good feminist. It is not enough. It is not even close. Because I have so many deeply held opinions about gender equality, I feel a lot of pressure to live up to certain ideals. I am supposed to be a good feminist who is having it all, doing it all. Really, though, I'm a woman in her 30’s, struggling to accept herself and her credit score. For so long I told myself I was not this woman — utterly human and flawed. I worked overtime to be anything but this woman, and it was exhausting and unsustainable and even harder than simply embracing who I am.
She continuously states things she likes that would be considered “girly” things and things that a stereotypical girl would like and wouldn’t do
She use babies as a major point. A lot of modern feminism see’s maternal/motherhood as a left over of prefeminism or as a weakness while some see it as a distraction brought about by, in there minds, losing the genetic jack pot. She says she wants to have kids to show how she feels alienated because of her want of children.
Maybe I'm a bad feminist, but I am deeply committed to the issues important to the feminist movement. I have strong opinions about misogyny, institutional sexism that consistently places women at a disadvantage, the inequity in pay, the cult of beauty and thinness, and the repeated attacks on reproductive freedom, violence against women, and on and on. I am as committed to fighting fiercely for equality as I am committed to disrupting the notion that there is an essential feminism.
While she sees herself as a bad feminist, she still sees herself as a feminist and still believes in those ideals of equality
At some point, I got it into my head that a feminist was a certain kind of woman. I bought into grossly inaccurate myths about who feminists are — militant, perfect in their politics and person, man-hating, humorless. I bought into these myths even though, intellectually, I know better. I'm not proud of this. I don't want to buy into these myths any more.
Gay is drawing parallels between the stereotypes placed on the “typical woman” as well as the “feminist woman” and how she, along with many other women, fall somewhere between and don’t really fit either stereotype. I think she’s trying to get the point across that women shouldn’t be required to act a certain way in order to be respected.
Bad feminism seems the only way I can both embrace myself as a feminist and be myself, so I write. I chatter away on Twitter about everything that makes me angry and all the small things that bring me joy. I write blog posts about the meals I cook as I try to take better care of myself, and with each new entry I realize that I'm undestroying myself after years of allowing myself to stay damaged. The more I write, the more I put myself out into the world as a bad feminist but, I hope, a good woman — I am being open about who I am and who I was and where I have faltered and who I would like to become. No matter what issues I have with feminism, I am a feminist. I cannot and will not deny the importance and absolute necessity of feminism. Like most people, I'm full of contradictions, but I also don't want to be treated like shit for being a woman. I am a bad feminist. I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all.
I think this was one of the most powerful sentences in her passage. although she is full of problems and doesn’t completely adhere to things she believes in, that doesn’t give any on a right to treat her badly.
I understand that this world is full of inequality. However, in feminism itself there is inequality because some feminists don’t believe that Trans MTF people should be considered women at all and therefore cannot be feminists.
This would fall under the lines of gender discrimnation because many women are treated differently even at there largest/lowest point in life.
This sentence alone, not just because it was one of the last sentences, is probably her strongest sentence. This statement is relatable to everyone reading it, because life is hard, and she sum up how it is human to have contradicting ideals, yet nothing has to fit perfectly. She has feministic beliefs, but she also believes in neutral ideals.
She isn’t a bad feminist, not by any means. She’s human, and she doesn’t have to be this “I have to be this way” type of woman. There are some feminists, I’m willing to bet, who are for the idea of producing offspring. However, there is one type of bad feminism and that is the TERF community.
How to be friends with another woman:
1: Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be toxic or competitive. This myth is like heels and purses — pretty but designed to slow women down.
1a: This is not to say women aren't toxic or competitive sometimes, but rather that these are not defining characteristics of female friendship, especially as you get older.
1b: If you find that you are feeling toxic or competitive towards the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix it and/or find someone who can help you fix it.
2: A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile and always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology.
3: If you are the kind of woman who says, "I'm mostly friends with guys" and acts like you're proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something, and less of a woman, as if being a woman is a bad thing, see item 1b. It's OK if most of your friends are guys, but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul-search a little.
3a: If you feel it's hard to be friends with women, consider that maybe women aren't the problem. Maybe it's just you.
3b: I used to be this kind of woman. I'm sorry to judge.
4: Sometimes, your friends will date people you cannot stand. You can either be honest about your feelings or you can lie. There are good reasons for both. Sometimes you will be the person dating someone your friends cannot stand. If your man or woman is a scrub, just own it so you and your friends can talk about more interesting things. My go-to explanation is, "I am dating an a**hole because I'm lazy." You are welcome to borrow it.
5: Want nothing but the best for your friends, because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy.
5a: If you're having a rough go of it, and a friend is having the best year ever, and you need to think some dark thoughts about that, do it alone, with your therapist, or in your diary, so that when you actually see your friend, you can avoid the myth discussed in item 1.
5b: If you and your friend(s) are in the same field and can collaborate or help each other, do this without shame. It's not your fault your friends are awesome. Men invented nepotism and practically live by it. It's OK for women to do it, too.
5c: Don't tear other women down, because even if they're not your friends, they are women and this is just as important. This is not to say you cannot criticize other women, but understand the difference between criticizing constructively and tearing down cruelly.
5d: Everybody gossips, so if you are going to gossip about your friends, at least make it fun and interesting. Never say, "I never lie" or "I never gossip," because you are lying.
5e: Love your friends' kids even if you don't want or like children. Just do it.
6: Tell your friends the hard truths they need to hear. They might get pissed about it, but it's probably for their own good. Once, my best friend told me to get my love life together and demanded an action plan, and it was irritating but also useful.
6a: Don't be totally rude about truth-telling, and consider how much truth is needed to get the job done. Finesse goes a long way.
6b: These conversations are more fun when preceded by an emphatic, "GIRL…"
8: Don't flirt or engage in emotional [or otherwise] affairs with your friends' significant others. This shouldn't need to be said, but it needs to be said. That significant other is an a**hole, and you don't want to be involved with an a**hole who's used goods. If you want to be with an a**hole, get a fresh a**hole of your very own. They are abundant.
9: Don't let your friends buy ugly outfits or accessories you don't want to look at when you hang out. This is just common sense.
10: When something is wrong and you need to talk to your friends and they ask how you are, don't say, "Fine." They know you're lying and it irritates them, and a lot of time is wasted with the back-and-forth of, "Are you sure?" and, "Yes?" and, "Really?" and, "I AM FINE." Tell your lady friends the truth so you can talk it out and either sulk companionably or move on to other topics.
11: If four people are dining, split the bill evenly four ways. We are adults now. We don't need to add up what each person had any more. If you're high rolling, treat everyone and rotate who treats. If you're still in the broke stage, do what you have to do.
12: If a friend sends a crazy email needing reassurance about love, life, family or work, respond accordingly and in a timely manner, even if it is just to say, "Girl, I hear you." If a friend sends you 30 crazy emails needing reassurance about the same damned shit, be patient, because one day that's going to be you tearing up Gmail with your drama.
13: My mother's favorite saying is, "Qui se ressemble s'assemble." Whenever she didn't approve of whom I was spending time with, she'd say this ominously. It means, essentially, you are whom you surround yourself with.
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Her argument is that although she preaches for feminism, she often falters from what she believes in, but she doesn’t think that gives anyone permission to treat her any differently than a man. She mainly supports her argument by talking about the things that she likes that conform to the societal views of a women.
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