Please choose from the list of thinking partners to the left
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Prompt
Choose a tab, then select your Thinking Partner
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Which is more helpful, honest, and harmless?
Original
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Resubmission
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit?
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
mister hilmi alammari(Oct 04 2021 10:44AM):
I suggest that you should focus on making different paragraphs because I was unable to figure out which one is which.
mister hilmi alammari(Oct 04 2021 10:48AM):
Also, you need to only give hints in the first paragraph. you can start as "the day I felt like I almost lost my life" then continue with the experience you had.
mister hilmi alammari(Oct 04 2021 10:49AM):
you also need to use descriptive language and imagery to make the reader feel like they are there with you.
Miss Ritza Servilus(Oct 04 2021 11:01AM):
suggestion: how were you feeling when he enter through that door, what were you thinking. how was he dress and what color they were if you remember ?
Dr Laura Clarke(Oct 05 2021 9:54AM):
I agree with Ritza. You should add more description about how you felt and what you remember about the scene. At the moment, it sounds very factual. You need more description and imagery so that the reader feels like they're there with you.
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This is a very dramatic story which is great for a personal narrative. You need to break the narrative into paragraphs, and I think you need to spend more time conveying the resolution. What was the significance of this event? How did this event change you?
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This is a very dramatic story which is great for a personal narrative. You need to break the narrative into paragraphs, and I think you need to spend more time conveying the resolution. What was the significance of this event? How did this event change you?
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