Firstly, I must compliment your excellent storytelling skills and your ability to use expressive, vivid language. Your strengths clearly lie in your ability to paint a picture with your words. Phrases like “I find myself constantly pushing the envelope and exploring the world of art in the most unique and fascinating ways” are vibrant and engaging. It’s hard not to be captured by the enthusiasm in your writing.

Moreover, you do a stunning job of infusing your personal experiences with your broader interests, creating a powerful, unique perspective. The blend of real-world experiences and your imaginative approach offers an evocative, engaging perspective.

One area that you might work on is emphasizing more directly the lessons you’ve learned and demonstrating how they have prepared you for your future academic and career plans. For instance, while you tell us about the enjoyment you found in acting and fashion, it could strengthen your essay to link these experiences more strongly to your development, your values, and your future plans. This connection will give admissions staff a clearer sense of why these experiences have been so formative and meaningful to you. Definitely, don’t lose that strong narrative voice you have, but consider grabbing the reader’s attention and making them reflect on the importance of these experiences with a bit more strength.

To see this in practice, you might consider some changes to your conclusion. Here, you could expand upon the broader implications of your essay topic effectively. For instance, when you express your interest in the business side of fashion, you might also want to dive into how this viewpoint has shaped your sense of self and informed your future goals. This could also be an opportunity to redefine a term used previously — perhaps reinterpreting the concept of “creativity” as shown in your personal and professional life. Show why this attribute makes you stand out.

Consider linking your conclusion back to your introduction to create a sense of balance. Perhaps the introductory Scott Adams quote can be reiterated in a new light, given the experiences and reflections you’ve gathered throughout your exploration.

Remember to avoid summarizing the body paragraphs explicitly. Instead, use the conclusion as a platform to bring fresh insight into your experiences and beliefs. Finally, leave your readers — the admissions staff — with a strong impression. Show them how your unique experiences and perspectives will contribute richly to the University of Michigan’s vibrant student body.

You have a compelling story and a passionate voice, both of which are tremendous assets. With a little more emphasis on the broader implications of your experiences and added links between your past, present, and future, your essay will be even stronger. You’re on a wonderful track; keep refining!

Your passion for creativity shines through in your storytelling, whether you’re discussing your love for acting or your venture into the fashion business. It’s time for us to focus on the “So What?” element of your essay. You’ve explained your experiences but why do they matter, to you and to the University of Michigan? What have you learned from these experiences, and how have they shaped you? How might your unique perspective contribute to the UM community? Exploring these questions can carry your essay to a persuasive, poignant conclusion. What would you like to know more about: tying in UM’s values, reflecting on lessons learned, or developing persuasive elements in your essay?

Your narrative is already intriguing. Now, it’s about integrating that “So What?” aspect. This is the moment where you step back from the story and answer: “Why should my audience care about this?” When talking about your passions for acting or creating a fashion business, what are the skills or perspectives do you bring with you to the University of Michigan? Examine your experiences and identify the unique attributes or skills you’ve developed that could enrich the university community or beyond. What about your story is uniquely yours and why does it matter to others? Reflect on this before we move forward.

Potential topics we could explore next:
1. Identifying key qualities you’ve developed.
2. How these experiences make you a fit for your desired course of study.
3. Crafting a persuasive argument for your essay.
Which path calls to you? Remember, we can follow several or create a new one.

Strengths:

1. Focus on personal attributes and skills: Your essay does a great job of showcasing your personal attributes and skills that make you stand out from other applicants. The introductory quote and your focus on creativity and how it guides your life reflect your passion very clearly. For instance, when you mention, “From the time I began creating imaginary scenes out of real life situations to when I started building a business out of fashion in high school, creativity was and has always been one of my biggest passions.”, it strongly demonstrates your passion for creativity and how that quality permeates different aspects of your life.

Improvement: Although you’ve highlighted your passion for creativity well, perhaps emphasizing why creativity will be crucial for your prospective course of study or future career will strengthen this aspect even more.

2. Looking for uniqueness: Your uniqueness clearly shines through your essay, especially when you talk about “acting and creating imaginary scenes from real-life situations” and starting your business in high school. When you state, “Being part of the fashion and branding world while building a business around it on my own has been a major distraction…in a good way,” it underscores your initiative and willingness to take risks, which can differentiate you from other applicants, showcasing a unique blend of entrepreneurial spirit and artistic flair.

Improvement: It might be helpful to elaborate more on how your unique pursuits have impacted those around you or broadened your perspective to enhance this trait even more.

Something to Improve:

5. Recognizing good writing and storytelling: While your essay is well-drafted and engaging, it may benefit from sharper storytelling. For instance, when talking about your acting pursuits or your entrepreneurial venture, instead of summarizing or stating, delve into a specific instance – successful or challenging – and paint a vivid picture for the reader. When you say, “character creation is what captivates me” or “getting notifications that one of my items sold and my focus immediately turns to fulfilling the sale as everything else becomes secondary,” highlight a particular moment that encapsulates this feeling, drawing the reader into your experience. Better storytelling can draw the reader in and make your personal journey more relatable and that much clearer.

Your passion, ambition, and distinct pursuits create an engaging narrative; with some enhancements, your essay can truly portray your vivid personality and promising potential to the University of Michigan’s admission panel.

In your piece, you have beautifully articulated two of your passions: acting and fashion. I hear you expressing your fascination with the imaginative aspect of acting, helping you explore different scenarios and characters. It’s as though the everyday situations for you are a theater stage where you conceptualize, develop, and replay scenes.

For instance, you mention how ordinary conversations stimulate your creative impulses, as you introspect on how you could have projected yourself differently. This seems to be not just an artistic exercise for you, but also a journey of self-discovery and a way to negotiate various life situations.

In addition to this, you portray your business venture around fashion as an extension of your artistic self. The pleasure you find in dressing up translates into your business; every clothing piece you buy and sell, every customer interaction, every calculation you make to determine profit, is part of a larger creative canvas. The notifications about a sold item feel more like applause for the performance of your artistic endeavor to you, rather than just a business transaction.

You leave me pondering on the intersection between your two passions. It’s interesting to imagine how the world of acting could overlap with the fashion industry, as you continue to merge these two worlds in your personal and professional life.

You mention that creativity has always been one of your passions. Can you delve deeper into why this is? How did your passion develop and what influences or experiences may have contributed to its growth over time?

You also speak about creating imaginary scenes out of real-life situations as a creative outlet and a reflection of your passion for acting. Could you provide a specific instance where this occurred? How does this process contribute to or enhance your understanding and practice of acting?

In regard to fashion and branding, you mention building a business around it in high school. Can you share more details about your journey starting this business? What were the motivating factors behind your decision to embark on this entrepreneurial journey at such a young age?

You also mentioned selling pieces of clothing through an online portal. Can you expand on the challenges and the successes you experienced managing an online business?

Finally, you’ve indicated that you wish to create a brand of your own. Could you provide more information about the vision and the goals you have for this future brand?

First, "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” This quote sets the stage for the entire piece; it’s loud, full of voice, and vibrates with conviction. There’s power in acknowledging that creativity may involve errors, and art emerges when you discern which of those “errors” hold value and uniqueness.

Second phrase that speaks volumes is “I find myself constantly pushing the envelope,”—a line that exudes energy and implies a continual challenge to norms and limitations. There’s a tone of bravery and assertive will in this expression.

The third statement that rings true is “character creation is what captivates me.” This line feels genuine and resonates because everyone can relate to the idea of being captivated by something beyond mere superficial interest.

“When something makes me lose track of time,” is another sentence that carries quite the punch. It’s a phrase used to describe an activity so absorbing and engrossing that it makes the clock irrelevant, reflecting the undistilled passion you possess.

Your discussion unearths your fervor for acting and fashion. Your high degree of introspection is evident in the line, “I always think to myself how I could have expressed or presented myself differently,” it portrays your dedication to constant self-improvement and your immersive involvement in your pursuits.

Finally, the sentence “I hope to build a brand of my own and create clothing and other merchandise inspired by some of my favorite designers and creators” doesn’t just fill the readers with anticipation, but also shows your ambition and entrepreneurial spirit.

In conclusion, your text is full of passion, energy, and strength. The reader gets a sense of your relentless pursuit of creativity, your devotion to pushing boundaries, and your drive for expression through the worlds of acting and fashion. It’s apparent that you are not content to merely follow – you seek to create, to reinvent, and to leave your footprint on the world.

Hello,

First of all, I would like to commend you on your gripping opening. The quotation by Scott Adams sets the tone for the text effectively.

However, I did notice two distinctive themes cropping up in your essay – one revolving around acting and the other around your fashion business. As per your Dear Reader Letter, you hinted at the possibility of focusing on just one. You’re right, as it may allow for a more profound and detailed exploration of the topic.

Let’s consider the first theme, acting. I can see the passion you have for it, especially when you write, “I find acting enticing because I tend to overthink things in life and acting allows me to prepare for various scenarios.” This suggests a deep, emotional connection to acting, giving you the opportunity to explore how it significantly impacts your outlook on life.

Considering the second theme, your fashion business, you provide a concrete picture of your entrepreneurial journey: “I’ve always found much pleasure in expressing myself in the way I dress and I think of it as art.” There’s a clear indication of your keen interest in fashion and its influence on your day-to-day life. The detail on how you “have been buying and selling pieces of clothing through an online portal” gives an exciting glimpse into your business’s inner workings.

In terms of specific advice, if you decide to choose acting, consider describing some instances when your imaginative and creative thoughts translated into a rewarding experience on set or stage. Talk about one or two characters you’ve played and how they’ve impacted you.

On the other hand, if you decide to explore the fashion business, you could illustrate more deeply how you source and select the pieces you sell. Do you find them all online? At thrift stores? From people you know? Providing these insights will add depth and richness.

Both themes are surely exciting, but focusing on one will allow the reader to engage more deeply in the narrative you’re presenting. Finally, whichever path you choose, remember to connect it back to your opening quote by Scott Adams about creativity and mistakes leading to art. This would bring your essay full-circle and create a cohesive thread throughout the narrative.

I look forward to your next draft. May the creativity continue to thrive within you.

Your lead boasts clear articulation of your passion for creativity and art, particularly in acting and fashion, and a strong quote to kick things off. However, it could benefit from more direct engagement with your reader. Your vivid descriptions of how you approach acting and fashion give us a peek into your creative mind which is inspiring.

For Option 1, consider posing a question that sparks reader interest like, “Have you ever found yourself in another reality, just for a moment?”

Option 2 could be a particular instance where your creativity reshapes an ordinary situation, a short story about an imaginary scene you constructed.

With Option 3, expand on the quote. Why did it affect you, and how does it tie into your passion?

What aspect would you like to explore more?

Your writing shows a great passion for creativity, which is evident in “creativity was and has always been one of my biggest passions.” A minor change to improve could be adding more specific details to offer a stronger connection for your reader. For example, sharing an incident about building a business out of fashion would make it more engaging. Try to show, rather than tell.

On the senses: The sense of sight is vivid in parts like “imaginary scenes out of real life situations,” but other senses can be intensified too. What about the texture of the clothing you design? Or the sound of applause after a successful performance? Exploring these may provide a richer experience for your reader.

What area should we delve into? Building concrete imagery, enhancing sensory descriptions, or balancing abstract and concrete details?

Your writing is vivid and brims with your passion for art, acting, and fashion. You have a strong ability to create relatable scenarios and to draw readers into your experiences (e.g. “I find myself constantly pushing the envelope and exploring the world of art in the most unique and fascinating ways.”). Furthermore, your anecdotes about creating imaginary scenes and building a business reveal your analytical approach and creativity.

However, your lead could benefit from more clarity and focus. The quotation from Scott Adams is excellent, yet your subsequent introduction to the themes of creativity, acting, and fashion feels slightly disjointed.

Consider these options as you revise:

One way to approach this comes from engaging your readers using questions or dialogue related to your passions. This could be as simple as a question like, “Have you ever lost track of time doing something you love?” This engages your reader right away and segues into your passion for creativity.

Another approach involves a compelling anecdote. Use a mini-story that best encapsulates your passion for creativity, your zeal for acting, or your foray into the fashion business. This personalizes the essay and grounds your abstract passions into concrete events.

Lastly, extending your lead with a powerful quote – a more fitting one that encapsulates all your themes – might intrigue the reader to delve deeper into your creative journey.

Is there a particular opening style you’d like more insights on? Additionally, would you like advice about transitions between ideas, your conclusion or the overall tone and structure? Let’s elevate your writing together!

Your lead demonstrates your passion for creativity and your entrepreneurial spirit well. You articulate yourself effectively, especially in the phrase “creativity was and has always been one of my biggest passions.” Additionally, your quote from Scott Adams acts as a solid focal point for your introduction, making it engaging.

However, there’s room for embellishment. While introducing your love for acting and fashion, ensure that you equally emphasize these elements throughout. As your interest in acting sort of fades away in comparison to your business ventures, maintaining balance will enhance your overall narration.

Thinking about revising your lead, consider these options:

1. Use dialogue or a question to pique reader curiosity: “Can you recall a moment when you got completely lost in time, you were so engrossed in what you were doing? That’s how I feel when I’m acting or building my business.”

2. Include an anecdote: Share a short but personal story from either your acting or entrepreneurship journey that encompasses your passion, intelligence, and hard work.

3. Powerful quote: You could start on the quote by narrating how it relates to your experiences in acting and business.

Let’s take this narrative to an excited crescendo. Would you prefer to probe further into option 1, 2, or 3? Or would you like to merge more than one option in your lead? Would you rather explore another path entirely?

Your writing has an engaging conversational tone and thoughtful self-reflection, which draws the reader in. You’ve effectively captured your passion for creativity, acting and fashion, and how they intersect. One aspect you could enhance though, is to show rather than tell your readers about your experiences.

An example:

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep,” says Scott Adams. You’ve shown creativity through your passion for acting and fashion.

For Option 1: Try asking a question that speaks to your audience’s creative side, maybe something like “Have you ever found yourself lost in your vivid imaginary script, living out literal micro dramas of your life?”

Option 2: Share a specific anecdote showing how you’ve used creativity to problem solve in your fashion business.

Option 3: Open with a powerful quote on creation or innovation that resonates with your journey of entrepreneurship and acting.

Let’s burst with creativity! Go beyond answering ‘what’ and show ‘how’ you have pushed the envelope. Want to focus on the evolution of your acting, the birth of your business, or dive into how these intersect in your life?