The American Dream Is Just a Dream (Student Example)
3 changes, most recent about 1 year ago
0 General Document comments
0 Sentence and Paragraph comments
0 Image and Video comments
The American Dream Is Just a Dream
"Be liked,” asserts Willy Loman, “and you will never want" (21). When one contemplates the true meaning behind the American Dream, their views often differ from those surrounding them. It is solely based on one’s perspective. Recognizing the uncertainty and flawed perception associated with American Dream, Arthur Miller, in his play Death of a Salesman, exposes the outdated and unrealistic characteristics of this national ethos. Through Willy’s disregard of morality, as well as his obsession with physical appearance, Miller brings such impracticality to light.
The opening paragraph presents a thoughtful contemplation of the American Dream, a central theme in Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman.” The quotation from Willy Loman immediately clues us into the subject of personal likability as a potential misguided cornerstone of this dream. Following this, the paragraph transitions smoothly, emphasizing how perspectives on the American Dream can vary significantly. The sentence construction appears carefully considered, with an aim to underscore the uncertainty and the flawed perceptions associated with this ethos.
Moreover, there’s a deliberate setup involving Willy’s moral compass and his preoccupation with outward appearances. This efficiently introduces the tensions that will be explored—those between societal expectations and personal values. In advancing this, Miller’s purpose in highlighting the unrealistic characteristics of the American Dream is neatly forecasted for the reader.
Shall I elaborate further on Miller’s representation of the American Dream, the interplay of morality and success in the play, or the significance of appearance versus reality? Or is there another line of analysis you’re curious about?
Please Note: Everything in this comment is AI-generated. It is made up to sound like a Chief Reader of an AP Lang exam.
Paragraph 3 changes
Undoubtedly, Willy Loman displays a willingness to sacrifice his morality in exchange for a shot at living the American Dream.
Despite his grasp of ethicality, his immense desire for his son to be successful overpowers any sense of principles.
He is aware that stealing is wrong.
Though he understands
However, after being told that Biff had stolen a regulation ball from his coach, Willy did not seem to be disappointed nor phased by the misdemeanor.
“Sure, he’s gotta practice with a regulation ball, doesn’t he?,” asserts Willy, “coach’ll probably congratulate you on your initiative!”
(18).
Recognizing that Biff’s little offense will allow him to advance his football career and earn affirmation from others, Willy doesn’t hesitate to disregard his morals.
He wants his son to be successful and make a name for himself, even if it requires cheating.
Speaking of cheating, Willy is guilty of participating in some promiscuous activity himself.
In regards to being a respectful and good-natured man, his behavior towards women does not classify him as such.
He equates the ability to obtain a lady with success.
Displaying a complete overlook of morals, Willy is blameworthy for cheating on his wife with another woman.
After seemingly spending a night with an unnamed woman, the woman remarks “you do make me laugh…(she squeezes his arm, kisses him).
And I think you’re a wonderful man” (25).
Clearly identifying this woman’s approval as a prize, Willy throws out any respect that he has for Linda out the door.
He would rather earn a stranger’s assent than live a boring homelife with Linda.
It brings excitement into his otherwise dull existence.
Clearly Willy’s idea of the American Dream is flawed, for both these actions of immorality don’t seem to get him anywhere.
First of all, it’s great that you’re seeking feedback to fine-tune your essay. With your current level of preparation, a few adjustments can indeed elevate your work.
Let’s start with sentences that have effective beginnings:
1. “Despite his grasp of ethicality, his immense desire for his son to be successful overpowers any sense of principles.”
2. “Speaking of cheating, Willy is guilty of participating in some promiscuous activity himself.”
These sentences begin with a preposition and a participle, respectively. They illustrate a smooth transition between ideas while keeping the reader engaged.
Now, let’s consider three sentences that need a bit more work in terms of variety and interest at the beginnings:
1. “He is aware that stealing is wrong.”
2. “He wants his son to be successful and make a name for himself, even if it requires cheating.”
3. “He equates the ability to obtain a lady with success.”
While these sentences deliver crucial information, they all begin with the pronoun “He”. This repetition can render the text less dynamic. Let’s revise them, considering a more varied approach:
1. Infinitive: “To acknowledge his awareness, Willy understands the immorality of theft, yet he chooses to overlook it.”
2. Noun: “Ambition for his son’s prominence overshadows Willy’s moral hesitations, even endorsing cheating as a legitimate strategy.”
3. Participial phrase: “Equating charm with achievement, Willy wrongly associates gaining a woman’s affection with success.”
Through these revisions, you can see how each sentence now starts differently, immediately capturing attention with diverse structures.
Here’s how you can creatively express the idea mentioned:
“Embarking on the journey of sentence beginnings awakens your mind to the music behind well-written prose. It’s like uncovering the mechanics beneath a captivating melody—what once resonated with a vague sense of harmony now reveals the genius of its composition. Delving into the works of esteemed writers uncovers a diverse palette of sentence openers. This awareness, much like an artist’s discerning eye for color, enables you to paint your narratives with the same nuanced brushstrokes.”
Remember, variety is key, and it’s more about balance than merely using diverse sentence starters. From this feedback, you are now equipped with the strategies to make your essay not just good, but compelling. Keep engaging with your material—you’re on the cusp of excellence!
Certainly, I’d be glad to assist you with your syntax. Let’s remind ourselves of your question: you’re asking for help with using a variety of sentence structures to enhance your writing and how to improve syntax. Let’s assess your writing with a special focus on simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences to ensure you are employing alternative syntax effectively.
Examining the sentence you’ve provided:
“He is aware that stealing is wrong.”
This is a complex sentence, as it includes an independent clause (“He is aware”) and a dependent clause (“that stealing is wrong”), effectively joined to express a complete thought. The syntax here is effectively conveying the message, as the complexity of the sentence reflects the depth of the awareness the subject holds. It’s perfectly appropriate in this context.
To show you how varying syntax dramatically improves writing, let’s transform your provided sentence by experimenting with different sentence structures. First, I’ll reiterate the creative and interesting statement you asked for: “A relatively simple way to improve your writing is to become familiar with the four main types of sentences and understand when to use each type.”
A simple sentence has one independent clause. Example: “He knows the truth.”
A compound sentence has two independent clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction. Example: “He knows it’s wrong, and yet he considers stealing.”
A complex sentence, which you’ve used, provides depth and detail. Example: “Though he understands the consequences, he contemplates theft.”
A compound-complex sentence combines the elements of compound and complex sentences. Example: “While he is aware that stealing is wrong, he finds himself tempted, and his conscience battles with desire.”
Notice how each structure serves a different purpose – from stating facts (simple) to expressing internal conflicts (compound-complex).
To address the directive you gave about document ownership: “I encourage you to edit lines, sentences, and paragraphs in your text. If you are the owner of the document, you can double-click on any sentence or paragraph, edit and update.”
In this case, since the document is yours, you can indeed take this advice and directly edit the text as needed. Syntax can make or break your expression; hence, tweaking it until it conveys the exact nuance you’re aiming for is crucial.
Keep your original question in mind – improving your syntax and recognizing the impact of sentence variety on your writing. It’s about finding the right balance and structure to convey your ideas most powerfully and clearly. As you improve your craft, remember that intentional use of sentence structures can define the clarity and engagement of your writing.
Paragraph 4 changes
Exhibiting his ignorant nature, Willy Loman connects one’s physical appearance and ability with his/her/their future success.
He believes that good looks and an athletic nature is all that is needed for one to attain the American Dream.
Not only does Willy believe this for himself, but he also corrupts his own sons with this egoistic mindset.
“The man who makes an appearance,” insists Willy, “is the man who gets ahead” (21).
Willy plants the idea that his sons are set up for success because they are outwardly handsome and strong.
He is so caught up with Biff’s highschool achievements and popularity that he is unable to accept the “failure” that he has become.
Thus, he is persistent in getting Biff off the farm and into the business world.
Comparing Biff and Happy to his smart, yet not liked nephew Bernard, Willy remarks “Bernard can get the best marks in school, y’understand, but when he gets out in the business world, y’understand, you are going to be five times ahead of him” (20).
Caught up on looks, Willy has a disillusioned perspective on life.
This stems from the fact that both his sons peaked in high school.
Rather than pushing them to work hard for their futures, he mistakenly relies on their “popularity,” which ultimately results in a life full of disappointment.
Thus, Willy’s inability to grasp the harsh reality of the American Dream not only leads to his own despair, but also implants false hope in his sons’ dreams.
It’s great that you feel confident about your paragraph and are looking for some polishing tips! Let’s focus on enhancing your sentence beginnings to add variety and interest to your writing.
Original:
“Exhibiting his ignorant nature, Willy Loman correlates one’s physical appearance and ability with his/her/their future success.”
This is an effective beginning. It uses a participle (“Exhibiting”) to start the sentence, immediately engaging the reader with a vivid image of Willy’s character flaw.
Original:
“He believes that good looks and an athletic nature is all that is needed for one to attain the American Dream.”
While this sentence is clear, it could be stronger with a different beginning to avoid repetition (“He believes”). Perhaps start with an infinitive phrase to mix things up:
“To attain the American Dream, he believes that good looks and an athletic nature are all that is needed.”
Original:
“Not only does Willy believe this for himself, but he also corrupts his own sons with this egoistic mindset.”
This sentence begins effectively with a subordinate conjunction (“Not only”). It adds complexity and layers the sentence nicely.
Original:
“The man who makes an appearance,” insists Willy, “is the man who gets ahead” (21).”
Here, your sentence is embedded with a quote. It’s structured well, but if you’re looking for variety, you could reframe it:
“Willy insists, “The man who makes an appearance is the man who gets ahead” (21).”
Original:
“Willy plants the idea that his sons are set up for success because they are outwardly handsome and strong.”
This sentence could be more dynamic. Consider using an adverb to begin:
“Confidently, Willy plants the idea that his sons are set up for success because they are outwardly handsome and strong.”
Now, let’s look at a couple of sentences that could use a new beginning for a more effective impact:
Original:
“He is so caught up with Biff’s high school achievements and popularity that he is unable to accept the “failure” that he has become.”
How about starting with a prepositional phrase to add depth?
“In his obsession with Biff’s high school achievements and popularity, he is unable to accept the ‘failure’ that he has become.”
Original:
“Comparing Biff and Happy to his smart, yet not liked nephew Bernard, Willy remarks “Bernard can get the best marks in school, y’understand, but when he gets out in the business world, y’understand, you are going to be five times ahead of him” (20).”
This could be condensed for stronger impact:
“As Willy compares Biff and Happy to his smart, yet unliked nephew Bernard, he remarks…”
As you continue to revise, remember that variety in sentence beginnings is crucial. You’re on the right path, and with a few tweaks, your writing will have the dynamic flair of professional authorship. Keep questioning not just how your sentences sound, but also why they work effectively. This conscious exploration will enhance your writing skills dramatically. Keep up the good work!
Whoever fully understands the concept of the American Dream, recognizes the reality that no such thing exists. It’s impossible to define. Unaware of this perspective, Willy Loman finds himself obsessing over physical appearance, thinking that good looks excuses one from the rules of society. If this were true, the play certainly wouldn’t be called Death of Salesman, but rather Death of Bernard.
General Document Comments 0
I’m glad to see you’re ready to receive some feedback on your essay, which shows your dedication to improving your writing. Let’s focus on enhancing the sentence beginnings to give your essay a smoother flow and greater variety.
Firstly, let’s look at a couple of sentences that have effective beginnings:
1. “Recognizing the uncertainty and flawed perception associated with the American Dream, Arthur Miller, in his play Death of a Salesman, exposes the outdated and unrealistic characteristics of this national ethos.” – This sentence begins with a gerund (“Recognizing”), making it active and engaging.
2. “Exhibiting his ignorant nature, Willy Loman correlates one’s physical appearance and ability with his/her/their future success.” – Starting with a participle (“Exhibiting”) adds a descriptive element right away, drawing the reader in.
Now, let’s address some sentences that could use more dynamic beginnings:
1. “He equates the ability to obtain a lady with success.” – This sentence could be more intriguing if it started with an infinitive phrase for variety. For example: “To equate the ability to attract a woman with success is Willy’s misguided way of measuring a man’s worth.”
2. “Speaking of cheating, Willy is guilty of participating in some promiscuous activity himself.” – Starting with a prepositional phrase could strengthen this sentence. Try: “In matters of infidelity, Willy himself is guilty of engaging in promiscuous activities.”
3. “It’s impossible to define.” – This standalone sentence could easily lead into the next thought more smoothly. Consider an adverb or a transition: “Ultimately, it’s impossible to define.”
As your conscious awareness of sentence beginnings grows, you will begin to discern the subtle artistry in well-crafted prose. The murky reliance on what “sounds good” will transform into an informed appreciation of the craft, as you peek behind the curtain of artful writing. Observing the narrative dance of an experienced author’s words, you’ll comprehend the potency of varying sentence openings. In due course, as you survey the landscape of literature with a keen eye for these methods, you’ll mirror the proficiency of venerable wordsmiths in your own compositions.
Diversified sentence starters not only create a more engaging reading experience, but also demonstrate control and mastery over language. By fine-tuning how each sentence unfurls, you gift your readers a tapestry of thoughts woven with skillful intention, keeping their minds enlivened and eager for the next phrase.
Remember, every sentence is a new opportunity to enchant the reader—embrace this chance with creativity and care. Keep going, and your writing will continue to flourish.
As the Chief Reader of the AP English Language and Composition exam, when reviewing essays like the one you’ve written, I’d say that there’s room for improvement in terms of focus and analysis. The question we need to keep in mind here is: “What are some things that need to be improved in this essay?” Now, your essay presents a clear argument about the illusory nature of the American Dream as depicted through Willy Loman’s flawed perspective and moral failings. To bolster your essay, consider weaving in more textual evidence and dive deeper into how Miller’s rhetorical choices serve his broader critique of American society. Be sure to marry your assertions with direct quotes that support the deconstruction of the American Dream.
You could amplify the analysis by discussing Miller’s use of dramatic irony and how Willy’s self-deception is emblematic of a larger societal delusion. Connect the dots between Willy’s personal downfall and the systemic issues that Miller is critiquing through his play. Overall, the essay benefits from a more critical look at the intersection between individual failure and the mythos of American exceptionalism.
The expansions we could explore further are: 1) How does Miller’s use of dramatic techniques enhance the rhetorical impact? 2) Could Willy Loman be seen as a representation of America itself? 3) What is the significance of the play’s title in relation to the American Dream? Which of these—or is there another point you’d like to deepen your understanding of? Let’s dig into these layers and unearth the complexity of Miller’s work!
Please Note: Everything in this comment is AI-generated. It is made up to sound like a Chief Reader of an AP Lang exam.
icons on the left to see existing comments.
0 archived comments