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Rohan Writes with GPT Thinking Partners: An Eighth Grader's Self-Directed Revision Process

Author: Rohan

2 additions to document , most recent 12 months ago

When Why
Jan-14-24 Wording change
Jan-14-24 Wording change

9 changes, most recent 11 months ago

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    Rohan A: Rohan’s say something (Dec 21 – Jan 4 and Jan 9) - paragraphs 8-14
  1. Rohan A: Rohan’s say something (Dec 21 – Jan 4 and Jan 9) - paragraphs 8-14
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    Rohan A: New updated Say something article (Jan 4) - paragraphs 128-134
  3. Rohan A: New updated Say something article (Jan 4) - paragraphs 128-134
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    Rohan A: 2024 Jan 4 Update (Jan 4) - paragraphs 143-150
  5. Rohan A: 2024 Jan 4 Update (Jan 4) - paragraphs 143-150
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    Rohan A: 2024 Jan 5 Update (Jan 5) - paragraphs 170-177
  7. Rohan A: 2024 Jan 5 Update (Jan 5) - paragraphs 170-177
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    Rohan A: 2024 Jan 5 Update 2.0 (Jan 5) - paragraphs 185-192
  9. Rohan A: 2024 Jan 5 Update 2.0 (Jan 5) - paragraphs 185-192
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    Rohan A: 2024 Jan 5 Update 3.0 FINALE UPDATE (Jan 5 – Jan 9) - paragraphs 205-212
  11. Rohan A: 2024 Jan 5 Update 3.0 FINALE UPDATE (Jan 5 – Jan 9) - paragraphs 205-212

Dec 21

1. Rohan A : Rohan’s say something

Endless War in the United States

You can pick almost any point in US history to find the nation engulfed in a war. Backed up with the US after taking various history courses in New Jersey, I know that The powerful nation started off with the American Revolution. Less than 100 years after its birth, the young country fought a huge civil war. Over the next 100 years, the US took part in 2 World Wars. Without a decade of break the country took part in the Vietnam War and Korean War, losing both.

News has taught me that another 30 years hadn’t passed when the US put troops in Afghanistan and Iran, losing against the mountainous terrain. Currently, troops are placed in Taiwan as they prepare to fight their next war against China. Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel.

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, especially when the country is isolated between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. The Grand total adds up to 12 wars [study.com]. Sure, at the beginning the US was playing a major role in the wars and winning by a lot, but lately, after World War 2, the US hasn’t had a similar fate. After losing the Korean and Vietnam war, they also lost the conflict in Afghanistan. This was all against the will of the American people. Even now, only 31% of the US supports sending aid for Israel and 43% oppose it [rueters.com]. Why does the US put itself in such a terrible situation and for no benefit? Even if the Korean Peninsula and Vietnam mainland were under totalitarian dictatorships, the countries are smaller than Colorado and have a population owning 2% of the world [Google Population Demographics], dwarfed by India & China’s 40% share.

According to [eisenhowerlibrary.gov] the US joined the Korean War because they were scared it had something to do with Communist China and the Soviet Union. Similar reasons caused the USA’s interference in the Vietnam war, and it caused the US economy to crash [The War’s Consequences]. Putting both together, the US’s main problem is that they join war due to fear which causes their economy to crash back at home. For example, WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression [The Great Depression and U.S. Foreign Policy].

In summary, the US engulfs itself in way too many wars due to fear of having communism spread to them. These wars cause many crashes in the US economy back at home. In my true opinion, the US shouldn’t be scared of anyone as the richest and most powerful country in the world. The fact that the higher ups get scared just screams out that this country is weakening by the day. We have to defend each other and stand up together.


Dec 21

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my work and tell me what you think.

Text-to-Self Mentor (Add meaningful details about yourself to the Note) with Rohan A’s edits:

Reflecting on your work, it’s clear that you’ve drawn upon a wide array of resources to form a view on the United States’ historical engagement in wars. You mention having taken various history courses in New Jersey as a starting point for your understanding, which already sets a context for the depth of your knowledge on the topic.

Considering your perspective, you seem to feel a sense of frustration, particularly with the United States’ recent military engagements and their outcomes. You mention the wars following World War II where the US has seemingly been on the losing side. You’ve drawn from sources like study.com and Reuters to support your points about the US’s conflict history and current public opinion, respectively.

Your argument pivots on the idea that fear—especially fear of communism spreading—has been the driving force behind many of these conflicts. This fear, as you note, ties back to the US economy and domestic concerns, suggesting a cyclical relationship between external war engagements and internal economic downturns. The connection you make here with the Great Depression and its ties to World War I, as suggested by your reference to US foreign policy, aligns well with this thesis.

You ask, “Why does the US put itself in such a terrible situation and for no benefit?” This question seems to encapsulate your confusion and critique of US foreign policy decisions. It’s a poignant question that could lead you to further scrutinize the motivations behind foreign interventions. Have you considered looking into the military-industrial complex and its potential influence on these decisions? Such an inquiry may provide additional insights into why the ‘higher ups’ opt for military action.

Furthermore, your point about the size and population of the countries the US has engaged with hints at a perceived mismatch between the perceived threat and the actual capacity of these nations. Yet, you may want to think about how geopolitical strategy, not just population size or territorial area, plays a role in these engagements.

In your conclusion, you use strong language to describe the US’s stance as weakening, sensing an incongruity between the nation’s wealth and power and its actions. You end with a call for unity and defense, which suggests you’re looking for a shift in the way the US approaches its role on the world stage.

I encourage you to re-examine these points, perhaps delving into the notion of American exceptionalism and how it has historically influenced US participation in global conflicts. Could there be more undercurrents of this ideology at play in more recent engagements that you’ve not yet explored?

The assertions you make are quite powerful, and as you continue to reflect on this topic, you may find it valuable to ask oneself: Is there a pattern in how the US responds to global crises, and how does this pattern align or conflict with the values you believe the country stands for? Your work opens the door to many nuanced discussions; remember to revisit the question of why these wars keep happening, and how public opinion has fluctuated with each conflict.


Dec 21

Rohan A : Please review my work and tell me what to improve.

A deleted thinking partner with Rohan A’s edits:

Title: Endless War: A Viral Exploration of US Military History

[Scene 1: The Hook]0:00-0:03 – Quick-cut montage of US war footage from the Revolution to modern conflicts, flash images of newspapers with war headlines, sync to a heart-pounding drumbeat. Text overlay: “Ever noticed the U.S. can’t stay out of war?”


[Scene 2: The American Beginning]0:04-0:08 – Re-enactment of Revolutionary War soldiers rushing into battle with “Yankee Doodle” playing in the background. Transition to a creative drawing filter overlaid on the video to give it an old-time parchment look


[Scene 3: Civil and World Wars]0:09-0:15 – Transition to Civil War re-enactment with cannon fire in slow motion, sound dampened under a narrator’s mention of the war’s impact. Leap to World War scenes with soldiers storming a beach, color desaturated for a historic feel.


[Scene 4: Modern Conflicts]0:16-0:24 – Swift jump to Vietnam and Korea, with clips in different styles: grainy ’60s footage, then a sharp cut to digital HD for Afghanistan. Juxtapose the rugged terrain against US troops, with a split-screen effect showing public dissent back home.


[Scene 5: Contemporary Dilemmas]0:25-0:32 – Animated infographic showing US troop placement in Taiwan, a simulation of military planning, intercut with news footage of Ukraine, then a 3D map zooming into Palestine and Israel, all indicating current US involvement.


[Scene 6: Public Opinion]0:33-0:38 – Camera focuses on a protester holding a sign “31% support, 43% oppose”. Filters shift to emulate a live social media feed, with likes and disapproval emojis floating up, simulating real-time reactions to US foreign policy.


[Scene 7: Hard-Hitting Reality]0:39-0:42 – A cracked piggy bank animation spills out coins labeled ‘economy’ that disappear into a hole labeled ‘war’, symbolizing financial drain. Overlay with grim music to underscore the point. Quick flashes of historical economic crashes.


[Scene 8: Conclusion]0:43-0:45 – Ends on a rallying cry, the screen splits into multiple frames showing diverse American faces. Text appears: “Unity is strength”. The sound of a crowd slowly rising in volume. Fade to black with a final message overlaid: “Is fear driving us into an endless cycle of war?”


[Extras: Audience Engagement]– Before the screen goes black, a comment prompt appears: “Drop your thoughts with #HistoryInWars. Can we break the cycle?”
– Call-to-action sticker encouraging users to “Swipe up & debate”


[Production Values]– Rapid editing and seamless transitions between scenes to maintain high energy.
– Use of different video formats (grainy footage, HD video, creative filters) and styles (dramatic re-enactments, infographics, live feed simulation).
– Sound design includes a mix of iconic music pieces, sound effects and a dramatic, final rising crowd noise.
– Text overlays and comment prompts are crisp, with a military stencil font for effect.


This hypothetical TikTok touches on a serious subject with fast-paced, engaging visuals and thought-provoking content. The mix of historical re-enactments, modern footage, animations, and infographics keeps it dynamic and accessible, while the ending leaves viewers with a challenging question, prompting dialogue and community engagement.


Dec 21

Rohan A : Make a meme out of my work

A deleted thinking partner with Rohan A’s edits:

Scene One (First 3 Seconds – The Hook):
The video opens with an eye-catching kinetic text animation that reads, “Why is the US ALWAYS at war?” The text quickly zips onto the screen, accompanied by a dramatic sound effect. The background is a rapid montage of historical war footage and current news headlines, shifting quickly to grab viewers’ attention.

Scene Two (3-10 Seconds – Introduction):
The camera zooms out from the last piece of montage, revealing a user, possibly dressed in a quirky history professor outfit, standing in front of a green screen that now displays a looping GIF of a spinning globe with highlighted areas where the US has been involved in conflicts. Their tone is satirical and the background music is upbeat yet has an ironic undertone.

Scene Three (10-20 Seconds – Historical Context):
The user starts dancing in an exaggerated manner from one side of the frame to the other, mirroring a ‘timeline dance’. Each position they hit coincides with a pop-up animation of a different US war (‘Revolutionary’, ‘Civil’, ‘WWI’, ‘WWII’, ‘Vietnam’, ‘Afghanistan’). Meanwhile, quirky sounds effects, like booms and laser zaps, align with each appearance.

Scene Four (20-30 Seconds – Modern Conflicts):
There’s a cut to a closer shot of the user who now wields props (like toy soldiers or miniature tanks), “placing” them on an overlaid animated map where the US has current military interests. Quick cuts happen with each new placement, and the user’s expressions shift from comedic to increasingly bewildered.

Scene Five (30-37 Seconds – The Big Question):
Zooming in even closer, with a ‘magnify glass’ filter for effect, the user stops and looks directly into the camera lens with a mock-serious expression. “But why,” they whisper dramatically, harnessing a tone of mystery, as a dim spotlight shines down on them, “are we so scared?” The globe GIF shrinks to settle as a “thought bubble” above their head.

Scene Six (37-45 Seconds – The Twist and Comment Prompt):
Abruptly, the user’s demeanor changes to hopeful, and they start a popular TikTok dance, the screen swipes left with every move, showing short skits that represent strength and unity among people (lifting props, linking arms with friends dressed as civilians and soldiers). As they dance, the user shouts, “Maybe it’s time we write a different story!”

The final frame pauses mid-dance with the text overlay, “Are we fighting the right battles? Sound off below!” with an arrow pointing to the comment section. Emojis of peace signs and earth icons float upwards. The sound fades out with an echo, leaving viewers with a lingering thought and an explicit invitation to engage.

The last moment is a sticker that pops up with the TikTok ‘Share’ animation suggesting viewers to spread the message, aiming to make the thoughtful content go viral.


Dec 21

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my work and give me valuable feedback on it

Say Something Article Thinking Partner (for your text or a peer’s) with Rohan A’s edits:

Your central message is that the United States has been consistently involved in conflicts throughout its history, often influenced by fear, which has led to negative outcomes, particularly economic downturns. You’ve highlighted a pattern of engagement in wars and contrasted the US success in early conflicts with its more recent challenges.

In the framework of hope and positivity, your article leans more towards an exposition of historical patterns and critique. It’s not primarily offering hope or presenting solutions; rather, it seems to be a call to reflection and potential reevaluation of the US’s approach to international conflicts.

To introduce solutions, you might consider expanding on what ‘standing up together’ means in practical terms. For example, could it involve more diplomatic avenues, non-interventionist policies, or investment in peacekeeping? Delving into successful historical cases of conflict resolution where the United States played a positive role could provide a more constructive outlook.

The writing could benefit from specificity in several places. Terms like ‘the higher-ups’ are vague. Who exactly are you referring to? Specific government officials, policy makers, or military leaders? Moreover, while references to websites are present, providing exact article titles and authors could strengthen credibility.

In terms of clarity, phrases like ‘losing against the mountainous terrain’ use personification in a way that might confuse the literal understanding of military conflict. Instead, you might want to clarify that it was not merely the terrain but also the strategies and combat tactics of the opposition that contributed to the US’s difficulties.

Finally, I notice that you are passionate and engaged with your topic, which is an admirable quality in any writer. Does this feedback resonate with you, and how can it be woven into your continued exploration of such important historical patterns? Keep using your voice to drive meaningful dialogue.


Dec 22

Rohan A’s Question : Read my writing and give me advice.

Simple Advice with Rohan A’s edits:

Okay! So, you wanna know how to make your story better? Here’s some advice just like my mommy gives me when I draw a picture!

1. Make sure your story is like a good bedtime story. It has to be easy for everyone to understand, even kids like me.
2. When you talk about big things like wars, maybe explain why they matter, kinda like how my teacher talks about why sharing toys is important.
3. Use words that are simple. Fancy words can be confusing!
4. Tell us about why people do things in your story, like why my friends and I choose to play tag.
5. If there are hard feelings, like being scared, explain how we can be brave instead!
6. Remember to talk about how to make things better, like how cleaning up toys makes the room nicer.

I hope that helps you! Remember, stories are best when they’re fun and teach us something nice!


Dec 22

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my work and give me advice

Simple Advice with Rohan A’s edits:

Hey there!

So, if you’re looking to make your work even better, here are a few simple tips you might wanna try:

1. Clarify Dates and Events – You’re talking about a ton of different wars and stuff. It might help to include specific years or time periods when those wars happened, so your readers don’t get mixed up.

2. Double-Check Facts – Some of the info might need a second look. Like, saying the US ‘lost’ in Afghanistan and Iran could be explained better because ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ can be complicated, and the US hasn’t fought a war with Iran.

3. Get your Sides Straight – Make sure you’re clear about who’s fighting who. For example, when you mention troops in Taiwan, that’s a pretty sensitive topic, and the US doesn’t have troops fighting there as of the last time I checked.

4. Numbers and Stats – When you throw out percentages, like how many Americans support sending aid, it’s super important to say where you got those numbers. Plus, making sure they’re up to date helps your reader trust you more.

5. Simplify Your Point – You’ve got a strong opinion at the end (which is cool), but make sure all your points lead straight to it. Keeping it super clear helps your reader understand why you think the US should chill out with the wars.

Remember, your work is already pretty awesome, and these are just little things to make it even awesomer. Keep writing and sharing your thoughts!


Dec 23

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my writing and give me advice

Rohan’s Inner Voice with Rohan A’s edits:

It looks like your piece is talking about the history of war involvement by the United States and questioning why the country seems to get involved in so many conflicts. You’re trying to understand the motivations behind these actions and their consequences, especially on the economy and public opinion. Here are three core points to help build your Inner Voice, or motivation, for writing this:

1. Seeking Understanding – Your writing suggests you want to dive deep and understand why the U.S. has participated in numerous wars. By looking at history and connecting wars to current events, you seem to be motivated by a desire to make sense of these patterns. It’s important for you to share this insight because you believe understanding the past can lead to better decisions in the future.

2. Highlighting the Impact on People – You mention how wars go against the will of the American people and discuss the impact on the economy and society. Your Inner Voice might be driven by a sense of empathy for those who are affected by these decisions, both in the U.S. and abroad. Your writing could be a call for people to think about how war decisions made by the few can have huge effects on the many.

3. Promoting Change – By expressing your opinion that the U.S. shouldn’t be scared and should not engage in so many wars, it seems like you’re striving for a change in U.S. foreign policy. You appear to believe that as citizens, people have the power to influence these decisions and should stand up together for what they believe in. Your Inner Voice is motivated by a quest for more peaceful and sensible approaches to international conflicts.

These three motivators can help you strengthen the message in your writing and connect more deeply with your readers by giving them a clear understanding of why this topic is significant and worthy of their attention.


Jan 1

Paul A’s Question : What is Rohan getting right? What is not accurate? What else might he consider?

Congressional Research Service Fact Checker on U.S. Wars (any text) with Paul A’s edits:

The information I’m using to check the facts comes from a Congressional Research Service Report, “U.S. Periods of War and Dates of Recent Conflicts”. You can see this report here: https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/RS/RS21405

What is accurate:

1. The United States engaged in World War I and World War II. The dates provided in the CRS report align with the common historical understanding of these conflicts.
2. The U.S. was involved in the Korean War and the Vietnam War, which are mentioned in the CRS report as the Korean Conflict and Vietnam Era respectively.
3. The United States did engage in conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq in recent history, known as Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom respectively, transitioning to Operation Freedom’s Sentinel in Afghanistan and Operation New Dawn in Iraq.

What is not accurate:

1. The text says the United States “lost” the Vietnam War and Korean War. While these conflicts did not result in clear-cut victories, the outcomes are more complex than simply being categorized as losses.
2. The mention that troops are placed in Taiwan preparing “to fight their next war against China” is not substantiated by the CRS report and needs clarification.
3. The assertion that the United States placed troops in Iran is inaccurate; while the U.S. has been involved in the region, notably in Iraq and Afghanistan, there has not been a war with the U.S. deploying troops to Iran.
4. The statement “WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression” is not supported by mainstream historical analysis. The primary factors for the Great Depression are linked to the economic practices of the late 1920s, not WWI.
5. The idea that the U.S. joins wars due to fear causing their economy to crash is an oversimplification of complex geopolitical situations and economic results.

What other, related facts from the article might be added:

1. The CRS report notes the importance of designating “periods of war” for determining veterans’ benefits, suggesting that Rohan’s discussion might not consider the multifaceted reasons for conflict involvement beyond fear and economic consequences.
2. “The President, or executive branch officials responsible to him, through proclamation, or Congress, through legislation, has been responsible for designating the war’s termination date.” This clarification is important to understand the official process for ending a war, which isn’t solely about winning or losing.
3. “For some entries, this initial summary is followed by an explanatory note or declaration, armistice, cease-fire, or termination dates cited by other official sources.” It’s crucial to differentiate between the official dates and the historical narratives surrounding these conflicts.

The CRS report provides a nuanced and complex view of U.S. military conflicts that contrasts with the generalizations found in the text Rohan is using. His analysis might benefit from a deeper consideration of the multifaceted reasons behind U.S. involvement in global conflicts and the varied consequences of such involvement.


Jan 3

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my writing and give me some sources to help expand my writing.

Rohan’s Evidence with Rohan A’s edits:

Here are the three core points of your writing, along with recommendations for sources to expand each point:

1. Historical involvement of the United States in wars: Your writing asserts that the U.S. has been involved in numerous conflicts throughout its history.To strengthen this point, you may consider these sources: – A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn, which provides an alternative perspective on U.S. history and its military engagements. – The U.S. Department of State’s Office of the Historian website, which offers detailed historical accounts of the country’s foreign relations and military actions (history.state.gov).

2. Public opinion on U.S. involvement in conflicts: You mention that recent U.S. military actions, like aid to Israel, have not had strong public support.To offer more evidence on public opinion: – Pew Research Center (pewresearch.org) regularly conducts surveys and reports on U.S. public opinion regarding foreign policy and military interventions. – Gallup (gallup.com) also provides historical and recent poll data on Americans’ views on national decisions to engage in various conflicts.

3. Economic consequences of war for the United States: You suggest that the U.S.’s involvement in international conflicts harms its domestic economy.For more information on economic impacts: – The Economics of World War II: Six Great Powers in International Comparison edited by Mark Harrison, for a scholarly analysis of the economic impact of war. – The National Bureau of Economic Research (nber.org) can provide papers and reports examining the relationship between military engagement and economic performance.

Keep in mind that when writing about such topics, especially wars and conflicts, it is essential to verify facts and use credible sources. For example, saying the U.S. lost the war in Vietnam is widely accepted, but claiming the U.S. lost the Korean War might need clarification since the result of that conflict is often considered a stalemate rather than a clear loss for the United States. Moreover, the statement that troops are in Taiwan preparing for a war against China is a sensitive and complex international relations issue that requires current, credible sources to fact-check for accuracy. News websites with high editorial standards and governmental releases can be valuable for the most recent developments.


Jan 3

Rohan A’s Question : Read over this and fact check my work.

Fact Checker with Rohan A’s edits:

Points where the writing is accurate:

1. The United States did indeed start with the American Revolution and later fought a Civil War.
2. The US took part in two World Wars in the 20th century.
3. There have been subsequent conflicts involving the United States, such as the Korean and Vietnam wars, and later, Afghanistan.

Points where the facts are a bit off and suggestions for corrections:

1. Claim: “After losing the Korean and Vietnam war…”
Correction: The Korean War ended in an armistice, and the territories were essentially left divided much as they were before the war, so it’s not accurate to say the US “lost” the war. It was more of a stalemate. The Vietnam War is often seen as a failure for the US because it didn’t prevent the fall of South Vietnam to communism, but using the word “lose” simplifies a complex outcome.

2. Claim: “the US put troops in Afghanistan and Iran…”
Correction: The United States has had military involvement in Afghanistan, but not Iran—this might be a confusion with Iraq. The US-led invasion of Iraq began in 2003, which is likely what was meant here.

3. Claim: “Currently, troops are placed in Taiwan…”
Correction: As of my knowledge cutoff in 2023, there is no large-scale deployment of U.S. troops stationed in Taiwan. The U.S. does sell defensive military equipment to Taiwan and has made commitments to help Taiwan defend itself, but this statement isn’t accurate.

4. Reference to “rueters.com” for statistics on US support for sending aid to Israel.
Correction: Ensure that the source is spelled correctly; it should likely be “reuters.com.” Also, verify the statistics from a recent and reliable data set.

5. Claim: “WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression.”
Correction: The Great Depression started in 1929, a decade after the end of World War I, and its causes are numerous and complex, including but not limited to the stock market crash of 1929, bank failures, reduction in purchasing across the board, and more. World War I’s economic impact did create conditions that contributed to economic instability in the 1920s, but it wasn’t the initial cause of the Great Depression.

6. Claim: “The US engulfs itself in way too many wars due to fear of having communism spread to them.”
Correction: While anti-communism was a significant motivator for some US actions during the Cold War, framing every conflict as being solely due to fear of communism spread is reductive. Each conflict had a unique set of circumstances.

Please consider checking primary sources or consulting educational material for the most precise information when discussing historical events and their motivations.


Jan 9

Rohan A’s Question : Read my writing and grade it.

Grader with Rohan A’s edits:

Hey there!

1) Your idea and point for writing – 4/5
Your main idea is clear; you’re discussing the frequent involvement of the United States in wars and its effects, particularly on the economy. The point could be more impactful with a stronger thesis statement.

2) Your grammar and mechanics – 3/5
While the essay is mostly understandable, there are several punctuation and capitalization errors. It reads more like a collection of thoughts than a polished essay.

3) Author’s word choice/vocabulary so it suits the target audience – 4/5
The vocabulary is appropriate for the intended audience, with a mix of informal language and specific historical references, though more sophisticated language could enhance the argument.

4) Organization – 3/5
The flow of your essay is logical, but transitions between points can be smoother. The organization would benefit from more systematic reasoning and clearer connection between thoughts.

Overall, you have a clear idea with vocabulary that’s appropriate for the audience, but the grammar and organization could use some work. Keep it up!


Jan 4

2. Rohan A : New updated Say something article

You can pick almost any point in US history to find the nation engulfed in a war. Backed up with the US after taking various history courses in New Jersey, I know that The powerful nation started off with the American Revolution. Less than 100 years after its birth, the young country fought a huge civil war. Over the next 100 years, the US took part in 2 World Wars. Without a decade of break the country took part in the Vietnam War and Korean War, losing both.

News has taught me that another 30 years hadn’t passed when the US put troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, losing against the mountainous terrain. Currently, China is becoming a potential enemy for the US as 83% of US adults see China as an enemy (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023). Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel.

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, especially when the country is isolated between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. The Grand total adds up to 12 wars (Sullivan, n.d.) . Sure, at the beginning the US was playing a major role in the wars and winning by a lot, but lately, after World War 2, the US hasn’t had a similar fate. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, they lost the conflict in Afghanistan. This was all against the will of the American people. Even now, only 31% of the US supports sending aid for Israel and 43% oppose it (Lange & Spetalnick, 2023). Why does the US put itself in such a terrible situation and for no benefit? Even if the Korean Peninsula and Vietnam mainland were under totalitarian dictatorships, the countries are smaller than Colorado and have a population owning 2% of the world [Google Population Demographics], dwarfed by India & China’s 40% share.

According to (Online Documents – Korean War, n.d.) the US joined the Korean War because they were scared it had something to do with Communist China and the Soviet Union. Similar reasons caused the USA’s interference in the Vietnam war, and it caused the US economy to crash (Digital History, n.d.) . Putting both together, the US’s main problem is that they join war due to fear which causes their economy to crash back at home. For example, WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression (Milestones: 1921–1936 – Office of the Historian, n.d.) .

In summary, the US engulfs itself in way too many wars due to fear of having communism spread to them. These wars cause many crashes in the US economy back at home.

We can continue fighting Endless wars, but we aren’t getting anywhere. As we move on, the US government should be more mindful of the wars they take place in.


Jan 4

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my writing and fact check the writing.

Congressional Research Service Fact Checker on U.S. Wars (any text) with Rohan A’s edits:

The information I’m using to check the facts comes from a Congressional Research Service Report, ‘U.S. Periods of War and Dates of Recent Conflicts’. You can see this report here: https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/RS/RS21405

Accuracy check:

1) Accurate:
– The United States began with the American Revolution.
– The U.S. participated in two World Wars.
– The U.S. was involved in the Korean War and the Vietnam War.
– The U.S. engaged in military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq.

2) Not accurate:
– The statement about the U.S. “losing both” the Korean War and the Vietnam War is subjective and simplifies complex outcomes.
– The assertion that “the US hasn’t had a similar fate” as it did in World War II since that war can be disputed, as subsequent conflicts have varied outcomes and contexts.
– The claim that WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression is not accurate. Although the war may have created conditions that contributed to the economic downturn, the stock market crash of 1929 and a series of banking panics are more directly linked to the onset of the Great Depression.
– The assertion of a “grand total” of 12 wars is vague; a more specific context or definition of “wars” is necessary for accuracy.
– The U.S.’s reasons for participating in the Korean War are oversimplified; the conflict was part of a larger context of Cold War tensions, not solely based on fear of communism spread.

3) Related facts or context to provide more understanding:
– “For additional information, see the following CRS Products: … CRS Report RL31133, Declarations of War and Authorizations for the Use of Military Force: Historical Background and Legal Implications, by Jennifer K. Elsea and Matthew C. Weed.” This provides context for understanding the legal basis for U.S. involvement in conflicts.
– “See CRS Report R41989, Congressional Authority to Limit Military Operations, by Jennifer K. Elsea, Michael John Garcia, and Thomas J. Nicola.” This relates to the question of why the U.S. government chooses to engage in certain conflicts.
– The quote “On June 22, 2011, President Obama again addressed the American people about the way forward in Afghanistan: ‘We will begin the drawdown of U.S. troops from a position of strength. We have exceeded our expectations on our core goal of defeating al-Qaeda…’” provides context for the objectives of U.S. involvement in Afghanistan.
– “In the first quarter of FY2022, CJTF-OIR provided approximately $219 million in assistance to Iraq partner forces and vetted Syrian partner forces through the Counter-ISIS Train and Equip Fund (CTEF) in ‘continued efforts to maintain the enduring defeat of Daesh.’” This relates to recent U.S. military expenditures in the context of counterterrorism efforts.


Jan 4

3. Rohan A : 2024 Jan 4 Update

You can pick almost any point in US history to find the nation engulfed in a war. Backed up with the US after taking various history courses in New Jersey, I know that The powerful nation started off with the American Revolution. Less than 100 years after its birth, the young country fought a huge civil war. Over the next 100 years, the US took part in 2 World Wars. Without a decade of break the country took part in the Vietnam War and Korean War, both without a clear-cut victory.

News has taught me that another 30 years hadn’t passed when the US put troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, losing against the mountainous terrain. Currently, China is becoming a potential enemy for the US as 83% of US adults see China as an enemy (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023). Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel.

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, especially when the country is isolated between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. The Grand total adds up to 12 wars (Sullivan, n.d.) . Sure, at the beginning the US was playing a major role in the wars and winning by a lot, but lately, after World War 2, the US hasn’t had a similar fate. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, they lost the conflict in Afghanistan. This was all against the will of the American people. Even now, only 31% of the US supports sending aid for Israel and 43% oppose it (Lange & Spetalnick, 2023). Why does the US put itself in such a terrible situation and for no benefit? Even if the Korean Peninsula and Vietnam mainland were under totalitarian dictatorships, the countries are smaller than Colorado and have a population owning 2% of the world [Google Population Demographics], dwarfed by India & China’s 40% share.

According to (Online Documents – Korean War, n.d.) the US joined the Korean War because they were scared it had something to do with Communist China and the Soviet Union. Similar reasons caused the USA’s interference in the Vietnam war, and it caused the US economy to crash (Digital History, n.d.) . Putting both together, the US’s main problem is that they join war due to fear which causes their economy to crash back at home. For example, WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression (Milestones: 1921–1936 – Office of the Historian, n.d.) .

In summary, the US engulfs itself in way too many wars due to fear of having communism spread to them. These wars cause many crashes in the US economy back at home.

We can continue fighting Endless wars, but we aren’t getting anywhere. As we move on, the US government should be more mindful of the wars they take place in.


Jan 4

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my work and give me advice.

Rohan’s Inner Voice with Rohan A’s edits:

After going through your article, it seems clear that your Inner Voice has a strong sense of questioning and seeks to raise awareness about the reasons behind the United States’ military actions throughout history. To further build on this Inner Voice and enhance your motivation for writing, consider these three core points:

1. Educational Perspective: You are writing this because you want to share what you’ve learned from history classes and news reports. By discussing the numerous conflicts the U.S. has been involved in, you are aiming to educate readers on a pattern you’ve noticed. Your motivation is to make others think more deeply about the historical steps that have led the country to where it is today.

2. Critical Analysis: Your Inner Voice is pushing for a deeper understanding of the consequences of war. You’re not just listing historical events; you’re exploring the outcomes, such as economic downturns and loss of support among the American people. You are seeking to analyze these patterns critically to help readers understand the long-term impact these decisions have had on the country.

3. Advocacy for Change: You are motivated by a desire to advocate for a change in how the U.S. approaches conflict. By highlighting the pattern of engaging in wars due to fear, and questioning their usefulness, you’re suggesting that it’s time for a new approach. Your Inner Voice calls for a deliberate, more mindful government that evaluates the potential outcomes of foreign interventions more critically.

To align your writing more closely with these points, continue to provide evidence to support your arguments, raise questions that provoke critical thinking, and suggest alternative actions that could lead to better outcomes for the United States.


Jan 4

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my writing and give me Simple Advice.

Simple Advice with Rohan A’s edits:

Hey, so here are a couple of tips on how to make your writing even better!

1. Back up your statements – When you make claims, like “after World War 2, the US hasn’t had a similar fate,” it’d be cool if you could tell us more about why you think that. Adding more proof or examples can make your point stronger.

2. Clarify complex ideas – You talk about the economy crashing and wars causing problems. Explaining more about how they’re connected could help someone understand this better. Like, how did the wars actually cause the economy to crash?

3. Keep it focused – You jump from a bunch of different wars to the economy to people’s opinions on current conflicts. It might help to stick to one idea at a time, so it’s easier to follow what you’re saying.

4. Keep an eye on facts – Make sure the facts and numbers you use are right on point. For example, when you say countries like Vietnam are smaller than Colorado but then compare populations, the info could get a bit confusing.

5. Tone down generalizations – You said “the US puts itself in such a terrible situation and for no benefit,” but that can upset people who think differently. Maybe you can explain that some people believe there are benefits and some don’t, and then say what you think.

6. Watch your bias – You have opinions in your writing, which is totally cool, but try to show both sides. Like, if you talk about people not liking the US being in wars, also mention why some people think it might be necessary.

I hope my advice helps you out with your writing! Keep going, you’re doing great!


Jan 5

4. Rohan A : 2024 Jan 5 Update

You can pick almost any point in US history to find the nation fighting a horrid war. Backed up with the US after taking various history courses in New Jersey, I know that the powerful nation started off with the American Revolution. Less than 100 years after its birth, the young country fought a huge civil war. Over the next 100 years, the US took part in 2 World Wars. Without a decade of break the country took part in the Vietnam War and Korean War, both without a clear-cut victory. Soon, the US took in part with regional conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq, losing against the mountainous terrain.

Currently, China is on the path to becoming a potential enemy for the US as 83% of US adults see China as an enemy (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023). Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel.

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, 12 to be exact (Sullivan, n.d.) . Maybe the US has a huge impact on regional and worldwide conflicts, but they haven’t got anywhere. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, the US withdrew from the conflict in Afghanistan.
This was all against the will of the American people. Even now, only 31% of the US supports sending aid for Israel and 43% oppose it (Lange & Spetalnick, 2023). Why does the US put itself in such a terrible situation and for no benefit?

According to (Online Documents – Korean War, n.d.) the US joined the Korean War because they were concerned that it had something to do with Communist China and the Soviet Union. Similar reasons caused the USA’s interference in the Vietnam war, and it caused the US economy to crash (Digital History, n.d.) . Putting both together, the US’s main problem is that they join war due to fear which causes their economy to crash back at home. For example, WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression (Milestones: 1921–1936 – Office of the Historian, n.d.) .

In conclusion, the US has pulled itself in too many wars. Looking back since the American Revolution and to date, the outcomes of the war have started to fall away from the US’s favor. WWI and WWII were huge victories for the US, but after that the US started losing its grip in the Korean War and Afghanistan.

Since War outcomes have been getting worse over time, it is apparent that if the US ever has a WWIII, the outcomes might be frightening, even devastating, for the United States of America.


Jan 5

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my writing and fact check it.

Fact Checker with Rohan A’s edits:

Your writing covers some broad aspects of US military history and presents various interpretations of the causes and consequences of wars involving the United States. Here’s a fact-check with layers of accuracy and corrections:

Accurate Points:
1. The United States indeed began with the American Revolution and later fought in a Civil War less than 100 years after its founding.
2. The United States did participate in two world wars in the 20th century.
3. The Korean and Vietnam War did not result in clear-cut military victories for the United States.
4. The US has been involved in conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq in recent history.
5. There is indeed contemporary debate and concern over the relationship between the US and China.

Points that need correction or clarification:
1. The phrase “losing against the mountainous terrain” in reference to Afghanistan is metaphorical and could suggest that the terrain alone was the reason for the US not achieving its objectives, which simplifies a complex conflict. The difficulties faced by the US in Afghanistan were also due to factors such as insurgency tactics, and the complexities of nation-building, among others.
2. The claim that the American Civil War happened “less than 100 years after its birth” is a bit misleading—it began in 1861, approximately 85 years after the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776.
3. The assertion that “83% of US adults see China as an enemy” is an oversimplification. According to the source you cited (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023), it’s important to differentiate between those who view China as unfriendly or an enemy, and those who simply view China as a competitor or a serious problem.
4. The assertion that involvement in wars caused the US economy to “crash” is overly broad and not entirely accurate—economic consequences of wars are complex and varied, with some conflicts contributing to economic booms (e.g., WWII) and others having negative economic impacts.
5. It’s incorrect to state that “WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression.” The Great Depression began in 1929, over a decade after the end of World War I; its causes were numerous, including the stock market crash of 1929, bank failures, and reduced purchasing across the board. World War I did lead to economic problems in the 1920s, but it’s not accurate to pinpoint it as the cause of the Great Depression.
6. The “Digital History” citation would need more specific information to check accuracy. Similarly, if “Online Documents – Korean War” is a source, a reader needs specifics to verify claims.
7. The claim about US public opinion on sending aid to Israel needs context; public opinion fluctuates over time and is influenced by current events. The numbers provided (31% support, 43% oppose) should be attributed to a specific poll by a reputable source to be verifiable.
8. The concluding thoughts on the US potentially losing a WWIII are speculative and not factual content.

To correct these points:
– Offer nuanced and fact-based explanations for the outcomes of conflicts, taking into account multiple factors.
– When using statistics or making claims about public opinion, provide the specific sources and understand that public opinion can be complex and varied.
– Be more precise in linking historical events with their economic effects, ensuring that the relationships you draw are supported by historical evidence. Avoid making simplified causal connections.
– Avoid speculative predictions about future conflicts like “WWIII” and focus on providing a clear analysis of past and present situations based on factual history.


Jan 5

5. Rohan A : 2024 Jan 5 Update 2.0

You can pick almost any point in US history to find the nation fighting a horrid war. Backed up with the US after taking various history courses in New Jersey, I know that the powerful nation started off with the American Revolution. Less than 100 years after its birth, the young country fought a huge civil war. Over the next 100 years, the US took part in 2 World Wars. Without a decade of break the country took part in the Vietnam War and Korean War, both without a clear-cut victory. Soon, the US took in part with regional conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq, losing against the mountainous terrain.

Currently, China is on the path to becoming a potential enemy for the US as 83% of US adults see China as a potential threat for the US (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023). Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel.

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, 12 to be exact (Sullivan, n.d.) . Maybe the US has a huge impact on regional and worldwide conflicts, but they haven’t got anywhere. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, the US withdrew from the conflict in Afghanistan.
This was all against the will of the American people. During the Vietnam War, some protests gathered up bodies of 15,000 – 25,000 people in the US Capitol (The March on Washington · Exhibit · Resistance and Revolution: The Anti-Vietnam War Movement at the University of Michigan, 1965-1972, n.d.) . Why does the US put itself in this situation against the will of the American people?

According to (Online Documents – Korean War, n.d.) the US joined the Korean War because they were concerned that it had something to do with Communist China and the Soviet Union. Similar reasons caused the USA’s interference in the Vietnam war, and it caused the US economy to crash (Digital History, n.d.) . Putting both together, the US’s main problem is that they join war due to fear which causes their economy to crash back at home. For example, WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression (Milestones: 1921–1936 – Office of the Historian, n.d.) .

In conclusion, the US has pulled itself in too many wars. Looking back since the American Revolution and to date, the outcomes of the war have started to fall away from the US’s favor. WWI and WWII were huge victories for the US, but after that the US started losing its grip in the Korean War and Afghanistan.

Since War outcomes have been getting worse over time, it is apparent that if the US ever has a WWIII, the outcomes might be frightening, even devastating, for the United States of America.


Jan 5

Rohan A’s Question : Read my writing and fact check it

Fact Checker with Rohan A’s edits:

Your writing covers a broad spectrum of U.S. military history and attempts to draw some conclusions about the nation’s war engagements and their impacts. Here are some points where your writing is accurate, and some points where the facts could be fine-tuned or clarified.

Accurate Points:
1. The United States indeed started with the American Revolution.
2. The Civil War occurred less than a century after the founding of the country.
3. The U.S. participated in both World War I and World War II.
4. There was American involvement in the Korean War and the Vietnam War.
5. The U.S. has been involved in conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq in the recent past.
6. A significant portion of U.S. adults views China as a potential threat.

Points for Clarification and Correction:
1. Generalization of War Participation: Not every point in U.S. history involves the nation fighting a “horrid” war. While there have been many conflicts, there have also been periods of peace.

2. Description of War Outcomes: The characterization of the Korean and Vietnam Wars lacking a “clear-cut victory” is accurate, but the phrase “losing against the mountainous terrain” in Afghanistan simplifies a complex array of factors that led to the challenging circumstances of the war in Afghanistan.

3. Public Opinion on Wars: It is incorrect to state that all U.S. military actions were against the will of the American people. Public opinion has varied greatly among different conflicts. For example, the initial invasion of Afghanistan had widespread public support in response to the attacks of September 11, 2001.

4. Economic Impact of Wars: The Great Depression was not caused by World War I; it was a result of a variety of factors, including stock market crashes, banking panics, and economic policy decisions. World War I concluded in 1918, and the stock market crash that initiated the Great Depression occurred in 1929, over a decade later.

5. War Outcomes Over Time: The claim that the outcomes of wars have been getting progressively worse for the United States is subjective and may not capture the complexity of each conflict’s consequences.

6. U.S. Military Aid: Two years ago, the U.S. sent aid to Ukraine, but equating this to being directly involved in a war like past conflicts may not be accurate. Additionally, the situation in Palestine and Israel is an ongoing conflict that the U.S. has been involved in through diplomacy and aid, rather than direct military engagement.

To fix the writing, you should accurately represent the complexity of the causes of the Great Depression and be cautious not to oversimplify the factors that led to the outcomes of the wars in Korea, Vietnam, and Afghanistan. Also, refine the claims about public opinion towards wars and the narrative that all wars have had worse outcomes for the U.S. over time. In history, each conflict has its unique context and consequences that may not follow a linear trajectory of success or failure.


Jan 5

6. Rohan A : 2024 Jan 5 Update 3.0 FINALE UPDATE

It is a common occurrence of the United States to find itself in a brutal war. After taking various history courses in New Jersey, I know that the powerful nation started off with the American Revolution. Less than 100 years after its birth, the young country fought a huge civil war. Over the next 100 years, the US took part in 2 World Wars. Without a decade of break the country took part in the Vietnam War and Korean War, both without a clear-cut victory. Soon, the US took in part with regional conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq, losing against the mountainous terrain.

208
Paragraph 208 changes

Currently, China is on the path to becoming a potential enemy for the US as 83% of US adults see China as a potential threat for the US (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023). Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel. That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, 12 to be exact (Sullivan, n.d.) . Maybe the US has a huge impact on regional and worldwide conflicts, but they haven’t got anywhere. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, the US withdrew from the conflict in Afghanistan.

Currently, China is on the path to becoming a potential enemy for the US as 83% of US adults see China as a potential threat for the US (More Than a Third of Americans View China as an ‘Enemy’, 2023). Two years ago the US sent aid to the Ukraine war and now a similar situation in Palestine and Israel.

209
Paragraph 209 changes

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, 12 to be exact (Sullivan, n.d.) . Maybe the US has a huge impact on regional and worldwide conflicts, but they haven’t got anywhere. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, the US withdrew from the conflict in Afghanistan. Many of the regional conflicts were against the will of the American people. During the Vietnam War, some protests gathered up bodies of 15,000 – 25,000 people in the US Capitol (The March on Washington · Exhibit · Resistance and Revolution: The Anti-Vietnam War Movement at the University of Michigan, 1965-1972, n.d.) . Why does the US put itself in this situation against the will of the American people?

That’s a whole lot of wars and conflict for a relatively new country, 12 to be exact (Sullivan, n.d.) . Maybe the US has a huge impact on regional and worldwide conflicts, but they haven’t got anywhere. After withdrawing from the Korean and Vietnam war, the US withdrew from the conflict in Afghanistan. Many of the regional conflicts were against the will of the American people. During the Vietnam War, some protests gathered up bodies of 15,000 – 25,000 people in the US Capitol (The March on Washington · Exhibit · Resistance and Revolution: The Anti-Vietnam War Movement at the University of Michigan, 1965-1972, n.d.) . Why does the US put itself in this situation against the will of the American people?

According to (Online Documents – Korean War, n.d.) the US joined the Korean War because they were concerned that it had something to do with Communist China and the Soviet Union. Similar reasons caused the USA’s interference in the Vietnam war, and it caused the US economy to crash (Digital History, n.d.) . Putting both together, the US’s main problem is that they join war due to fear which causes their economy to crash back at home. For example, WWI was the initial cause of the Great Depression (Milestones: 1921–1936 – Office of the Historian, n.d.) .

In conclusion, the US has pulled itself in too many wars. Looking back since the American Revolution and to date, the outcomes of the war have started to fall away from the US’s favor. WWI and WWII were huge victories for the US, but after that the US started losing its grip in the Korean War and Afghanistan.

Since War outcomes have been getting worse over time, it is apparent that if the US ever has a WWIII, the outcomes might be frightening, even devastating, for the United States of America.


Jan 9

Rohan A’s Question : Read over my writing and grade it

Grader with Rohan A’s edits:

Yo, what’s up? Ready for some grade action on this essay? Let’s jump into it!

1) Your idea and point for writing
Score: 4
Reason: You present a clear argument about the US’s involvement in wars, and how it negatively impacts the country, but some points could be more thoroughly explained.

2) Your grammar and mechanics
Score: 3
Reason: You’ve got some grammar and mechanics issues. Watch for run-on sentences, punctuation, and overall sentence structure needs a bit of cleanup.

3) Author’s word choice/vocabulary so it suits the target audience
Score: 4
Reason: Your vocabulary is generally appropriate for an informative essay, though sometimes the word choice could be more precise for stronger impact.

4) Organization
Score: 4
Reason: The essay’s organization is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, but transitions between some ideas could be smoother.

Overall, rockin’ job but with a little bit of fine-tuning, this essay could totally be top-tier! Keep at it!


Jan 9

Rohan A’s Question : Read and grade my work.

Grader with Rohan A’s edits:

Hey there! Just got your essay to check out. Here’s how I think you did:

1) Your idea and point for writing: 75/100
You’re writing to show the pattern of the U.S. involvement in wars and the outcomes, which is clear, but you could better explain how each war relates to your main point.

2) Your grammar and mechanics: 65/100
You’ve got a few grammar issues and sentences that might need a bit of polishing, which could confuse readers.

3) Author’s word choice/vocabulary so it suits the target audience: 80/100
Your vocab is pretty on point for what looks like a high school essay! It’s informative without being too complicated.

4) Organization: 70/100
The essay has a logical flow, but some points jump around, and it could be more clearly structured with better transitions between points.

Total score: 290/400
Overall, it seems like you’ve grasped the main concept, but there’s definitely room to improve consistency, clarity, and flow.

To get an overall score out of 100, I’d add up all the points (290) and then divide by the number of categories (4). So, your overall score would be about 72.5/100. Keep it up, and you could get that score even higher!


Jan 9

Rohan A’s Question : Read my writing and grade it

Grader with Rohan A’s edits:

Hey there!

Let’s get to grading your essay:

1) Your idea and point for writing – 80/100
The essay clearly aims to discuss the United States’ history with war and its impact. The point you’re making comes through, but the argument could be crafted with more depth.

2) Your grammar and mechanics – 75/100
While the essay is mostly understandable, there are some grammatical issues and awkward phrasings that disrupt the flow of reading.

3) Author’s word choice/ vocabulary so it suits the target audience – 70/100
The vocabulary is appropriate for a general audience, but some sentences could be clearer, and using varied sentence structures could enhance reader engagement.

4) Organization – 80/100
The essay’s organization is decent, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, smoother transitions between points would improve the overall structure.

Adding up the scores, we get a total of (80+75+70+80) / 4 = 76.25, which rounds to 76/100 for your overall score.

Remember that 80/100 would be passable, so don’t get discouraged. Keep working on your writing, and you’ll keep improving!

DMU Timestamp: January 13, 2024 00:59





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