Heartscape (landscape)
The center of truth The giver of life Molded by four chambers Of faith forgiveness love and loyalty
The hill of faith Is one that must be climbed But the journey to the top Is not easy
Bolders of lies will fall Name written mud slides Tramples but strapping on The rope of determination Only drives more
Once over that unpredictable hill Here comes those rugged roads of forgiveness To be one with these roads and their bitter taste of sadness
Begins to be too familiar But the sweet aftertaste of Relief and approval Is one that can't be opposed
There is no way to live Without the trees of love For it is the oxygen of the soul The burning wood of life's fire
Loyalty remains on a pedestal Because it is the most desired To experience loyalty in its entirety One must have three chambers and an open heart
icons on the left to see existing comments.
0 General Document comments
0 Sentence and Paragraph comments
0 Image and Video comments
Great line and line break. Class: see how “Begins to be too familiar” adds a further layer of meaning to the line before it (from the preceding stanza, presumably)? It adds to the idea of “being one” with the roads, even in their bitterness, the further idea that the experience is too familiar, which to makes things far more interesting and complex.
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
New Conversation
General Document Comments 0
New Conversation
I put the same thing on Jenna’s poem but this is really profound. I love the full circle you made with your four chamber metaphor in the beginning and ended with it with loyalty. This poem has left me pretty much speechless. It’s so well thought out and well written.
One question I do have is: Are the capital lines supposed to be new lines in a stanza or was that intentional? Just wondering.
Overall this is a very well-written poem. Good job!!
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
need I say more? So actually this poem is rather vivid I could see the actions you described happening in my head. Also it probably didn’t help that I was listening to rather dramatic music when I was reading this. So, just like I said to Jenna, I can not wait to read more from you and watch you grow in class. This was beautiful!
Just to point out I love the first line how you set out with a ‘thesis statement’ of sorts.
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
New Conversation
I love this poem. And I love what you’re getting at, I feel as though it has a very clear and well thought out thesis to it. However, I feel like its being held down by the way it reads. The stanzas seem jumbled up and rushed together and I feel like revising how the stanzas are laid out would help streamline the read and make it easier to get what you’re trying to say
Also PS Boulders is misspelled
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
This is quite nice! It effectively creates a physical and emotional journey by associating feelings with the landscape you describe. I’m not sure what you were getting at with the seemingly random capitalization, but it creates a unique mood. The lines about the four chambers of faith as described in the beginning and end were beautiful, though it could be formatted better. Overall, good work!
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
Bre, like your classmates, I like this poem very much. I appreciate how it constructs an allegory using the traditional features of topography (hills, reads, roads).
Thinking forward, I wonder what it would be like to exchange allegory for metaphor: to set the poem in a real, as opposed to imagined, landscape, and to find these ideas (love, forgiveness, etc) in things from that real landscape — instead of mapping the ideas onto the landscape of the allegory. The result might be closer to the Edward Hirsch poem that we read today.Would love to talk more about this in office hours!
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment