Chess Club (workshopped in an "Art of the Scene" course at Emory University)
Author: Riakeem Kelley
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“Hey, Josh. My roommate is finally giving me some alone time so I decided to call. What are you up to?”
“Nothing much, Babe. I just finished a paper and am going to shower and go to sleep. My roommate just stepped out as well. He went to take a shower so I’ll go when he gets back.”
I feel like this is a little formal, and more than someone would say right when they pick up the phone. Since they seem to be in a romantic relationship, I feel like it would be more casual…this comes off as a little nervous
“I miss seeing you.”
“I miss seeing you too, Steph. But I’m sure you are doing great things at Yale. Once we both get settled I’ll fly up to visit you in Connecticut.”
“Or I could even come down to Georgia. Go bulldogs.”
“That’s right, go dawgs. How is the spirit at your school? The kids here all love to get drunk on the weekends, but most of them are just trying to impress fraternities and sororities. I’m not interested.”
This doesn’t feel like a boyfriend/girlfriend talking, but more like questions you’d ask when you’re interested in a school…almost like an interview. If he was nervous this would make sense, but I think this is just supposed to be a normal “I miss ya” convo.
“Oh, don’t say that. College is a great opportunity to experience new things. You should go for a frat.”
“Nah, not really my thing. Chess club crossed my mind.”
“You are something. State national champion of Georgia after all.”
“Yea.”
“So, I think I am going to try and join a sorority.”
It makes sense that she would bring up the frat thing if she wants to be in a sorority. Maybe she would react more strongly when he says something about the “frat and sorority scene” earlier. Talk about how it’s not that bad. But starting with “So” feels a lot more conversational to me.
“…”
“You don’t have to say it. I know what you are thinking, but I think it will be a good experience for me. I’ve been feeling so restrained here and I haven’t really met a whole lot of people.”
“No, yea, I completely understand. You want…new experiences.”
“I didn’t mean it that way, Josh. I would never do anything to ruin what we have.”
“Oh, yea, of course. No, no, I get it. You just want to make new friends so you don’t have to spend so much time alone there.”
“Exactly. You know, I tried going out with Beth the other day but I couldn’t drink with her. She got really crazy and ended up in some guys’ apartment for the night. She came back the next morning completely hung over and landed on my bed. You know, two feet opposite of where her bed is.”
What makes this dialogue and not just conversation?
“She’s just trying new things. I bet she was a valedictorian at the high school she came from.”
“Salutatorian.”
“Figures.”
“Well, I was valedictorian at our school.”
“You did get into Yale.”
“You should have applied here. You are smart enough.”
If they’re in a relationship, it seems like this is a convo that they would have already had…also I feel like he would have applied to be with her anyways…even if he didn’t think he would get in
“But I’m not as smart as you.”
“Smarter, if you’d try harder.”
“I didn’t call to talk about getting into Yale. I wanted to talk to you. I miss you so much.”
“Have you made any friends there? How do you get along with Richard.”
“He’s a cool guy. He can be a little messy or noisy when I’m doing work, but we click. We played ball the other day and he won miserably. But he’s encouraging, almost as if I had an older brother.”
“But you two are the same age.”
“Nope. Something went wrong with the housing. He’s a senior.”
“He can show you the ropes.”
“He can show me the ropes.”
“Let’s stop talking about our roommates. It’s been nearly a month since we’ve last seen each other. That’s the longest we’ve ever been apart.”
“It’s been too long. I should visit.”
“We have a break coming up in October. Fall break. It’s a week long. I’ll be in Georgia visiting my family so you should stay over a couple of nights.”
Somewhere during this portion of the text before/after I don’t know who’s speaking…I don’t know if this is him going home or her
“That’s great. I can’t wait.”
“So, I have an idea if you are interested.”
“What’s that? Idea for what?”
“Well, I have really missed you.”
“Meow.”
“Ha! But seriously. I have really missed hugging you. Holding your hand. Kissing you.”
“Me too. So what were you thinking?”
“Well, I was thinking, maybe we could try something… new.”
“Something new as in phone sex .”
“Yes. Something new as in phone sex. I’m already taking off my bra.”
“Whoa, hold on. We can’t do that over the phone. ”
“My bra is on the ground and I am completely topless.”
“Wait.”
“I just unpinned my hair and it is flowing down my back. It’s warm against my collar bone and I am brushing it away slowly with my hand.”
“Why are you doing this, Steph. This isn’t like you.”
“I’m reaching down into my pants, slowly, and I am…”
“Stop!”
“…”
“I don’t like this. I don’t like this new Steph that is trying all of these new things. I miss the girl I went to high school with. The girl that promised me that she would never change.”
This promise is made a lot. Feels like an important concern
Move more quickly to the "red hot center of drama’.
“Listen to yourself. You expect to go to college and not change. That’s impossible. That is what makes college what it is.”
“I know, but. Phone sex , Stephanie. It took us dating three years before I could even get to third base.”
“Look, Josh. I thought if I called you and tried this I could rekindle what he had. Honestly, us, is fading.”
“Don’t say that.”
“We never talk on the phone, and when we do it’s about everything other than what is going on in our lives. We’re not as close as we used to be. I just think, it’s time for us to…”
I really like this part of the scene when the drama has hit. Stuff like this happens all of a sudden all the time, and that’s what makes these moments so heightened. They’re moments of realities changing. The stakes are high. Good dramatic choice.
“Try new things. I get it know. I knew it would come to this. What’s his name. Who did you meet up there in Connecticut.”
“Stop. I didn’t meet anybody but I feel like our relationship has no life anymore.”
“It’s only been a month.”
“I know, but even in high school I could feel it. I could feel us growing apart. We were so in love. But you didn’t even apply for Yale. I feel like you didn’t fight for it, and you could have easily got in with your credentials. And not even just Yale, but anywhere you really wanted to go you could have. You pulled yourself away from me when I got in. You were accepted into that state school that you really didn’t want to go to, and you’re keeping your life in a pattern. I don’t want your misery, Josh. You refuse to let the past go. I don’t want Chess club.”
“Well it’s not like I had any choice, Steph. You know why I had to stay. I had to be here, for my mom. And I didn’t pull away from you, you pulled away from me. You didn’t even tell me that you applied to Yale. ‘Valedictorian Stephanie Bell accepted into Yale. Student and Chesslete Joshua Frickerman with the sick cancerous mother gets accepted into local schools so he can be close to home’. It’s you who left me.”
“…”
“…”
“I have to go, my roommate is coming back in.”
“Mine too. I guess this is goodbye.”
“I guess it is.”
General Document Comments 0
I think the stakes are very high here- any time a very important relationship in our lives ends/we risk losing it, our whole realities change. I felt that the conversation at the beginning was a little awkward, but I think you could convey that things are a little weird between them or address that the conversation feels to formal, “why are you talking like this” “like what?” “like you don’t know me”…that type of thing, because with it being addressed so late, I question the reality of their relationship. I think this scene had really good instincts, and the part where the drama came in was really nice, I would just work on the build up to it.
I think you did a really good job portraying a difficult long-distance relationship. Steph and Josh are both convincing characters who develop throughout the scene. You also show their clashing values well through seemingly different issues like sorority and phone sex. There were parts of the scene when I got confused over who was saying what.. I first thought it was Josh who goes to Yale. But other than that, I got the clear sense of each of their voice, and I really like the ending when the ‘real’ issues start to come out and really turn into a conflict.
Riakeem, there’s a real difference between conversation and dialogue. Dialogue is dramatic. Conversation is not. A scene like this is potentially charged with conflict and emotion. I urge you to think about how to activate your dialogue a bit more. Every word out of your characters’ mouths should be like a move in fencing: who is getting closer to whom; who is hitting whom; who is wounded, who is wounding. Less explaining (exposition) and more doing (dramatic action). When Steph tries to initiate phone sex and Josh dissuades her — that’s the point when the scene becomes dramatic. I suggest starting the scene there and trying to fill in (as little) exposition (as possible). How much do we really need to know about their past to make the present comprehensible? I think: much less than you’ve given us. Remember: exposition is dramatically inert. It’s deadly. And you’ve got to use it sparingly and you’ve got to smuggle in what you use.
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