Early you said something about the crickets, is it Winter since the Christmas lights are up or were they just left up? I don’t know much about crickets but I don’t think they are out during winter.

I think you could explore more into why she was taking a “digital detox,” give us a little more of an idea of who she is as a character.

A little disturbing but I think this was a good description of what a lot of little kids do.

You did an excellent job of describing the sounds in these few sentences! Very descriptive!

The last couple of sentences were a bit confusing “No, that doesn’t sound right,” she muttered in response to her own question. Could bugs be considered endangered? Frogs eat bugs." Makes it seem like she she also said the last sentence out loud. Splitting them up would help.

Why was she grateful for the huge backyard?

“A polluted atmosphere and a destroyed habitat.”

“growth-condos went up”

“However,” the sentence works without it.

Same thing for this paragraph on spacing, if you were to space it out more the thoughts and her dialogue would be paced better than combining it into a full paragraph.

Over all for this paragraph I would say add more spacing. When she speaks make it it’s own little paragraph just so it reads clearer. It’s a good intro, just huddled too close together.

“the sound of the sprinklers ts-ts-ts sounded in the background.” You could replace sounded with a different word like echoed.

reword or comma splice “chilly-in fact she was beginning to sweat.”

Sweet and short, I think you could let this be a stand alone sentence just for impact.

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I used to read this book with my fam when I was 7 or 9, this just brought back so many memorys. ^^

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